


Deep Into The Darkness

by Scarecrow243



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fallout 4 Spoilers, Graphic Violence, POV, Raiders, Romance, The Brotherhood of Steel, The Institute - Freeform, The Railroad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 01:59:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9101326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarecrow243/pseuds/Scarecrow243
Summary: Porter Gage and the Sole Survivor are in love. After taking back Nuka-World and asserting their dominance in the Wasetland, the two feel as though they’ve finally found their place in the world. But during one of their raids, something goes terribly wrong, and Gage finds himself wandering the Commonwealth until coming to find an answer he never expected in the heart of The Institute.





	1. A Wonderful World

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT the continuation for "A World on Fire." This is a completely different story with a little bit more love for Porter Gage. Keep an eye out for "The World in Ashes" for the continuation of "A World on Fire," though give me some time to get a few good chapters down. I don't like posting things unless I have some material under my belt already.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story told from Porter Gage's POV. Because he's fun to write, and I'm thoroughly enjoying exploring his mind and seeing the world from his POV.
> 
> Also, if the tag about the relationship between Elder Maxson and the Sole survivor brought you here, I recommend reading something else because not a lot is revealed about the two of them, though Elder Maxson does play a big character in this story.
> 
> *Listening to: Arsonist's Lullabye by Hozier

        I never really expected to fall for her. At my age and after the shit I been through, I never really expected to fall for anyone. Shit just doesn’t surprise me anymore, and I didn’t expect shit was gonna last with her, to be honest. Not when I saw her for the first time, standing in the metro station to Nuka-World. A young woman, one who didn’t look like she’d last a few seconds in the Gauntlet. And I figured it was a miracle she even made it that far in life. Nothing about her gave me the impression she was the right woman for the job. She wore a black jumpsuit with only a pistol at her side. I figured, there ain’t no way this little girl is gonna be able to make it through the Gauntlet let alone take out Colter. Might be more humane to just let her die in the Gauntlet.  
        But then she pulled her gun on Harvey—our little crier for Nuka-World. And she shot him dead, completely unaware that someone was watching. And that someone might have just found the sort of leader we all need. The one who will do anything to get what she wants.  
        “Well now, that wasn’t very nice. Killin’ an innocent man. You’re one ruthless son-of-a-bitch, aren’t you?” Ruthless, cunning, sharp, and stubborn as all get out. Hell, she hardly wanted to take any advice I had to give her. But I can’t lie. I was mystified by her and the show she put on in the Gauntlet. Hell of a fighter, even with just a pistol at her disposal.  
        I figured it’d take some convincing to get a woman like that to accept her position as Overboss of Nuka-World. Because she just didn’t seem the type to wanna play nice with anyone. Hell, she threatened me twice in a ten-minute period, which…I found more humorous than anything. But when I told her that everything was now under her control, a wry smile spread across her face, and her emerald green eyes twinkled a bit. “I like the sound of that,” she said. And I shoulda known right then and there that she had the ability to ruin me forever.  
        I ain’t never been in love before, not until I met Emery. She was the type of woman I only ever dreamed existed. Young, beautiful, a brilliant tactician, and the more time we spent together, clearing out the parks side by side, the more intrigued I became by her. “Where’d you learn all this?” I asked her one night after returning from Kiddie Kingdom.  
        “All what?” she asked, disinterested. Hell, hardly even acknowledged me at all.  
        “All…this. How to fight, how to strategize. I’m not buyin’ the whole small town farm girl act you got goin’ on,” I said, though I suspected she lied about that from the very beginning.  
        “Porter Gage,” she said sternly, still never even looking at me, and her tone made me tense up real quick. Like the way someone stands at attention when talking to a superior officer. “Maybe it’s best you don’t know anything about my past. I don’t see why it’s important.”  
        “Yeah, sure. Okay, boss.”  
        But the more time we spent together, the more she started trusting me. Opening up to me—hardly ever about her past, but more about how she was feeling, what she was thinking. How she felt about me. Telling me I was the most important person in the world, and without me, everything would have come crashing down around her. And it all went to my head. Because a woman like that finds you important? You start to feel like you truly might be.  
        A year went by with the two of us working side by side, but it hardly took that long for me to fall for her. No, from the moment I told her about taking over the Commonwealth and her bright, green eyes lit up…her beautiful, red lips curling upward to reveal her pearly white teeth…that was the night I really fell for her.  
        We dominated the Commonwealth. The two of us, side by side with our raiders behind us. We set up outposts, started taking the local settlements for all they had. And things between me and Emery started to progress in ways I thought would only happen in my fantasies. Because lord knows I fantasized about that woman every night before going to bed. Fuck, I wanted her. But I didn’t just want to fuck her. I wanted more from her, everything she had to give. And Emery, she wanted more too. And it was all over after that.  
        We felt like we were on top of the world, taking over more of the Commonwealth, the two of us always side by side. And there wasn’t a settlement between Nuka-World and Diamond City that hadn’t heard of us. We had enough settlements under our control that they even started paying tribute to our outposts. And Emery and I, we had more caps than we knew what to do with.   The world belonged to us, and we became gluttons for that lifestyle and for each other.  
        Hell, we were addicted to each other. Couldn’t keep our hands off of one another, and I felt like the most powerful man in the world with her by my side. And as time went on, Emery started to open up to me more. Told me about her life before the war. Being locked up in a vault—cryogenically frozen for over two-hundred years. As if I couldn’t find her even more fascinating than I already had.  
        “Do you miss it? The old world?” I asked her while lying in bed, the two of us completely naked and wrapped up in each other. And I remember the look in her eyes. That twinkle she got when for a brief moment, she’d disappear off into a dream world. But she shook her head.  
        “No, I don’t miss it. You weren’t there.” And that response made me the happiest man in the world—not like I had any complaints before.  
        I was never one for the sappy shit. Never liked usin’ the word “love” or talkin’ about my feelings. But Emery brought that out of me. And my favorite late night conversations quickly became the ones about me and her. How much we felt we needed each other, how the world was shit until we met one another. And our plans for the future. We fantasized about the day when we could finally settle down back in Nuka-World. Just me and her and all our caps. Knowing the two of us dominated everything in our path.  
        But she hadn’t outgrown her hellion days yet, and I was more than willing to accompany her through the Commonwealth, tearing down anything that got in our way. Yeah, I never expected to fall for her. And even worse, I never thought anything could touch us again once we had each other.  
       “Oh, Gage! Yes! Fuck me like that!” I groan at the feeling of her tight cunt wrapped around my dick. My fingers dig into her sides while I pull her back into me, and I admire the way her ass crashes into me. If that ain’t the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Emery smashes her fists into the table I’ve bent her over. “Harder!” she yells.  
        “I’m fuckin’ you as hard as I can, babe…” Another groan escapes me. Fuck, if I keep goin’ on like this, I ain’t ever gonna get her where I want her to be.  
        But Emery becomes frustrated. She groans and leans upward. Something she always does when she feels I’m not givin’ her everything I got. She tries to push me away, but I grip her wrists and slam her back down on the table. She howls and throws her head back because she fucking loves it when I dominate her. I grab fistfuls of her long blonde hair and pin her head down to the table. “Stay right fuckin’ there,” I demand.  
        She screams. “God, I love your fucking cock, Gage…give it to me, baby…”  
        “You got a dirty fuckin’ mouth, you know that?”  
        She moans. “Oh…you love the shit I do with this dirty fucking mouth.”  
        She ain’t lyin’. But I can’t keep goin’ on like this. I got a good ten years on Emery, if not more. And her needs are hard for a man my age to meet. Especially with how often she wants them met. I start slowing down, admiring her naked backside against me, running my hand down her smooth back and down to her ass to grab a handful. “God damn,” I groan.  
        But Emery grows frustrated again. She leans up and pushes me off of her. And when she turns to leave, I try and grab her. “Get off!” she yells, but I’m not in the mood for the little games she likes to play. Actin’ hard to get and shit. It’s sexy some times, but not when I was so close to finishing. I grab her again, and she smacks me in the face.  
        It kinda pisses me off, but she’s always doin’ shit like that. And my annoyance only lasts about a second or two. Because if I’m being truly honest with myself, I’ve become a slave to her. A life sentence I’m more than happy to serve. She tries to hit me again, but I grab her wrists. And the two of us struggle for a moment before that burning desire takes over us again, and our mouths devour one another’s.  
        The sloppiest, messiest kiss one can imagine, but I love kissing her that way. It’s passionate, and I ain’t never felt passionate toward anything but money before her. I pick her up and throw her down onto the bed, and when I climb in between her legs, she attempts to fight me off. Still playing hard to get, tryin’ to get my aggressive side to come out and play. I grab her wrists and pin them down to the bed, holding them so tight that her fingers start to turn white.  
        I start fucking her again, hard, just like she likes it.  
        “That the best you can do?” she challenges.  
        I groan. “Jesus Christ, Emery. I’m about to shove my dick in your mouth just to get you to shut up.” She leans her head back and moans, a smile spread across that devious face of hers. But even though she’s playing tough, I know she’s getting close. I know her too well. Her stomach starts trembling; face starts turning red. “You can play it tough all you want, Em. I’m breaking you down. I can see it in your eyes.”  
        “Don’t stop,” she begs.  
        I groan and slam into her more forceful, reaching as far into her with every thrust. “I ain’t gonna stop, Em. I ain’t ever gonna stop.” But shit, it just ain’t true. And if she doesn’t come soon, I’ll end up disappointing her like I’ve done before. But she starts whining, and she looks up at me in awe. That same amazed expression she gets every time I get her to come. As if she didn’t expect me to perform so well.  
        “Shit, Gage!”  
        “That’s right, baby…show me how much you love it when I fuck you.” She grabs my waist and digs her sharp nails into my skin. Yeah, it fuckin’ hurts. But I don’t dare tell her to stop.   Because she’s lost in a world of pleasure right now, and I’ve never seen her look so beautiful before. But that dire need building up inside of me, I’m desperate to let it free.  
        I let go of her wrists and lean further over her, and she wraps her arms around my neck. She pulls me closer to her—something she loves doing after she comes. She wants me to hold her, be near her. As if all the terrible shit we just said to one another never even happened. And this happens every time. “I love you,” she quivers.  
        “I love you too, baby…” I groan. “Fuck, I’m gonna come…” She pulls my face closer to hers and presses her lips onto mine. Jesus, I love kissing her. Her soft lips and sweet tongue always send chills down my body, and right now, it’s enough to send me over the edge. I break away from the kiss. “Shit…” I wince and pull out of her, and she watches while I jerk myself off until I come all over her stomach. And it’s as if all my strength, everything I have inside of me is released onto her. As if I just gave her a piece of my life force to keep forever, and it’s so satisfying and overwhelming that I start to feel lightheaded.  
        “Come here,” she whispers and reaches for my hands, and I collapse on the bed next to her. And then we just lie there without having to say a word, the two of us admiring each other in the the fading light of the sun barely breaking through the shack window. But with Operators on guard duty, there’s nothing keeping us from drifting away into a much needed sleep.  
        I awake the next day to see that Emery isn’t in bed next to me. Something I’ve had to get used to because she’s an earlier riser than myself. I get dressed and dawn my armor before leaving our quarters in the heart of the outpost in Jamaica Plain. The streets are buzzing with Operators, and the smell of freshly roasting Brahmin wafts through the air. A sunny, warm day, and I feel hopeful about what may lie ahead for us.  
        I enter the central building of the outpost and make my way upstairs where Emery has called a meeting for the higher ranking members of the Operators of the outpost. A meeting I’m late for because she didn’t feel the need to wake me. But I shouldn’t be surprised. She does this shit all the time too.  
        “Porter Gage, nice of you to join us,” Emery says as I enter.  
        “Well, I had an opening in my schedule, so I figured, why not?” I say while taking the seat at the opposite end of the table and kick my feet up. Emery smirks at me while the veteran Operators surrounding us laugh.  
        “All right, that’s enough,” Emery says to silence the group. And we all focus our undivided attention on her, waiting for our instructions. I love seeing her like this. Especially after helping her rise to power. But she was born to be a leader, and I feel a sense of pride every time she assumes the role of Overboss. “We’ve caught wind of a cache of supplies nearby, thanks to our scouts. But it’s locked away in a heavily guarded building.”  
        “Guarded by what?” a veteran asks.  
        “Synths, if you can believe it,” she says, and the room is filled with groans and heavy sighs. “Look, I don’t much like taking them on either. They freak me out. But, this cache of supplies is necessary if we plan on expanding Jamaica Plain. The synths, they have access to weapons, armor, equipment that we could only ever dream of getting our hands on. Until now.”  
        “More loot to throw on the pile? Sounds good to me,” I say, and Emery smirks at me.  
        “I thought you might like that. Gage and I will take a small team with us. Two of you will be scouts, scope out the area. Try and find any changes since our last update. And then four of you will assist Gage and I in battle. We take them out from a far. Make it a clean break and then run in and grab the supplies before they have time to even send for backup. Sound good.”  
        The room cheers. “All right. Go get saddled up, the boss and I need to have a word,” I say and wait for the Operators to clear out before focusing my attention back on Emery.  
        “What?” she asks.  
        “You know I hate waking up to see you’ve left.”  
        “You looked like you could use a few extra hours.”  
        “If it seemed like I was more tired than usual, you only have yourself to blame,” I say, and she gives me a wry smile while walking over to me.  
        “So…are you saying that…we shouldn’t make love the night before an operation?” she asks while climbing on top of me, and I wish she wouldn’t do shit like that. Because even having her straddling me is enough to get me going.  
        I laugh. “Making love? That what you call it?" She nods, a smirk on her face, and I shake my head. "No, that’s not what I’m saying,” I say while bringing my hands to her waist.  
        “No?” she whispers while leaning closer to my lips, and now I could give a shit if she woke up and left me alone. I shake my head.  
        “Uh uh,” I groan, but she runs that sweet tongue over my lips, and it sends chills down my spine. “Jesus, Em. Is now really the time?”  
         She shakes her head. “No. But I love watching you squirm.” She kisses me. A gentle, sweet kiss before opening her mouth to give me full access to her. God damn. I’m so in love with this woman. A fucking slave to her, always and forever. And I couldn’t be happier.  
         But someone entering the room disturbs our moment. “Gage?”  
        Emery climbs off me and moves to the other side of the room so fast, attempting to appear inconspicuous. As if something completely innocent could have been happening. “Yeah?” I respond to the Operator veteran who looks embarrassed as hell.  
         “Uh…supply check?”  
         Supply checks. Something Emery came up with. Basically, I’ve been tasked with going through all our men’s supplies before heading out on a raid. Assuring they have everything they need, swapping out damaged guns for better ones, instructing them on the sort of equipment we’ll be needing. “Yeah, all right,” I groan while standing. “See you at the gate,” I say while tipping my head to Emery, and she winks at me.

        Once the supply check has been finished, Emery joins the team outside of Jamaica Plain, and we set off in the direction of the massive loot. It doesn’t take long to get there. Maybe about an hour or so, and we all walk in formation, keeping a look out for anyone who might be trying to strike down our operation. Because we’ve become a force to be reckoned with in the  Commonwealth, our reputation being so infamous that other raiders tend to run the other way when they see us coming.  
        We pass through a small, dilapidated town. And as much as I try and avoid doing things like this, Emery insists. Saying it’s the most direct route to the cache supplies, and cutting around would just waist time. So we’re on full alert while passing through this town, keeping an eye out for anything that might be lurking in the buildings or the shadows they create. But nothing reveals itself, and this is becoming a more common occurrence than anything. Sure, I attribute it to everyone being afraid of us.  
        But while nearing the edge of the town limits, we pass an alleyway, and something catches my eye. Movement, and from the brief second my mind comprehends what’s happening, I manage to make out a man dressed in black. But when I turn and point my gun into the alley, there’s nothing there. “Hey, hold up a sec,” I call, and a veteran raider calls the order for the others to stop.  
        I enter the alley with my gun pointed toward the corners ahead when two Operators join me at my side. We walk slowly, cautious and careful not to alert whatever might be hiding around the back of the building. But when we make it to the turnoff, we find nothing. No man, no animal, no sign of movement, and I start to think my eyes may be playing tricks on me.  
        “We good, Gage?” Emery calls from the main street, and I wave my hand to her. Just jumping at shadows, I suppose.

        We make it to the building housing our intended target. A small, cement building with a few steps leading up to a set of double doors, but even with the thick pillars surrounding the building, it looks as though it might cave in at any second.  
        We crouch behind a rusted metal structure for cover, but it gives us the perfect vantage point of the entrance. “Okay…send the scouts out. I want to know what we’re dealing with inside.   How many there are, and any other obstacles in our way,” Emery says.  
        I look over my shoulder and tip my head to the scouts. “You heard her. Get moving.”  
        “Yes sir,” they say while stealthily moving from around the structure and to the back of the building. I look back to our target, but nothing is in sight. No synths or any other kind of enemies. But that doesn’t mean they’re not there.  
        “Okay, I’m gonna take two and head over there,” Emery says while pointing to the frame of a destroyed building across from us, giving her a view of the other side of the building. “You stay here with the other two. Anything comes out that door, I want to flank it. Blow it to shit before it even has the chance to know what’s happening.”  
        “You got it, boss.” She goes to stand, but I grab her arm and pull her back down to plant a forceful kiss on her lips. “I fucking love you.”  
        “I fucking love you too.”  
         I watch her run across the street to get to her vantage point with two of the Operators following behind, and when she’s in position, a feeling of relief comes over me. But now’s the time to wait for the scouts to return with our intel. I lower my gun and lean my head against the structure I’m ducking behind, wondering how long this is all going to take and how much of a payout we’ll get. Because whenever you get something real good, Emery insists we take a few days off to revel in the victory. And only good things come from that.  
        “Fire!” Emery yells, startling me. And the sound of gunfire in the near distance sends a sort of panic through me. When I look up, I see the white, skinny structure of synths coming out of the building, firing their blue laser guns toward Emery and her escorts.  
        “Take ‘em out!” I call to the Operators by my side, and we open fire. Not an ideal situation, if I’m being honest. Emery likes order, structure in her attacks. And I know that even if we walk away with a good payout, she’ll be in a shitty mood the rest of the day.  
        Synths ain’t too hard to take out though. A few shots in the head usually does the trick, and even though most of us hate fighting them, I actually prefer the robotic enemy. Leaves less of a mess behind. But the synths, they catch on to the two of us firing at them, and seconds into our attack, blue lasers come flying in our direction.  
        I duck down and reload my gun before peeking my head around the corner to see a brave one running in our direction. But I’ve done this sort of thing a million times. And I don’t suspect the outcome to be any different than all the times before. And once the approaching synth is down, I glance to Emery across the way, holding her own just like I knew she would.  
        I don’t take long to take ‘em all out, and when the scene falls silent, I pick my head up and look toward the building. Nothing but scrap robot metal layin’ around, and I feel victorious.  Scouts or not, we dominated our opponents. I stand and look over to Emery, proud of her for leading yet another successful raid.  
        “Hey, Em!” I call to her, but she doesn’t acknowledge me.  
        “Son of a bitch!” she yells and then takes off running toward the building. It sort of takes me off guard, watching her run toward the building like that, and I can’t help but chuckle at the sight. Like, she’s all too eager to get her hands on the loot, my selfish woman.  
        “Em!” I yell through a chuckle.  
        “Gage!” One of the scouts call while running up behind me, pulling my attention away from Emery running toward the building.  
        “What’s wrong?” He’s winded, panicked. And I start feeling sick at the sight. Because something is definitely wrong here.  
        “It’s a trap…there’s…there’s freaking mines covering the entire floor of that god damn building. Those god damn synths are trying to lure us inside.”  
        I feel like I might die right then and there, and when I turn back to Emery, I see that she’s already at the front door. “Em!” I yell while running toward her. “Emery, stop!” But she can’t hear me, and before I know it, she’s disappeared inside the building. “Emery!” I yell as loud as I can while running toward the building. But a violent explosion sends me flying backward, and I hit the ground hard.  
        Everything happens real fast. My vision is blurred, and I hear a ringing in my ears. But the flames from the destroyed building keep me grounded, stuck in this moment much longer than  I’d prefer. They’re hot in my face, and when I finally manage to push myself upward, I see the building before me, completely destroyed, engulfed by flames. “No…no!” I try to run for her, but my men keep me on the ground. And all I can do is lie there, completely helpless. Waiting for any sign that she might still be alive.

         By the time the flames die down, I’ve lost all hope that Emery might have made it out of the building in time. And by the time the sun sets, the smoke and fire have cleared enough to allow us to search the rubble for any sign of her. But I find nothing. Just destroyed concrete, debris, scrap metal. I don’t even want to keep looking at this point. Because I don’t know how I’ll handle seeing her blown to bits.  
        So I just sit there, on my knees in the middle of the collapsed building feeling completely destroyed and hopeless. Something awful is building up inside of me—something I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. Or at least not in years. But it’s a kind of emptiness. A hollow feeling, and now, suddenly everything I planned for the future just doesn’t matter. Because I just don’t want any of it without Emery.  
        “Hey, boss? We should start heading back to the outpost now. The sun’ll be gone soon.” I’m lost in a trance, not really able to register anything that’s being said to me. “Boss?”  
        “Why are you calling me that?” I groan.  
        “Well…because you’re Overboss now, right?” It makes me sick. They make me sick. How they’re able to just deal with the fact that Emery’s gone and move on like it doesn’t mean anything makes me want them dead. I grab my pistol from my belt and point it at the Operator Veteran, and he tenses up real quick. “Whoa…hey, now, I…I didn’t mean any disrespect. It’s just…that’s how it works, right?”  
        Shit, he ain’t wrong. With Emery being gone, technically I’m in charge. But the title of Overboss is one I don’t wish to hold. And going back to life as the two of us knew it without her? It just feels wrong. Or maybe it’s too heartbreaking, being there without her.  
        It’s amazing how one can go their whole life without needing anyone. Have goals, things they wanna get done. Things that are important to them—hell, the most important thing in the world. But one day all that can change. And it’s like Emery changed my whole existence. I found a piece of myself with her that I didn’t even know I was missing. And now that she’s gone, I’m fully aware of that missing piece. And even achieving everything we set out to do doesn’t make me whole again.  
        I don’t think anything ever will.  
        I get hammered drunk that night. And the next. Even though we only had plans to stay in Jamaica Plain for a day, I end up staying the whole week, drinking myself practically to death the entire time. Because I just don’t know what to do now. I suppose I need to find a new Overboss, but I know I won’t be satisfied with just anyone. Hell, maybe I need to take some time off—get out and get away for a while. At least until my turmoil dies down a bit. Because any time I start feeling even just a little better, I’ll catch a whiff of her. Find her loose hair stuck to my clothes.  And I dream about her constantly. And any time that happens, I feel the strong urge to break down and cry—something I know I can’t do in front of my men.  
        Shit, I haven’t cried in fuckin’ years, and I’ll never admit openly that I’ve ever done it at all. But the more I’m around these people, the more I feel it come over me. And it starts to take over.    We hold a funeral for Emery, but since we never found her body, all I have to bury is a set of clothes and her rifle. A makeshift cross is planted at the head of the mound, and we all kind of just  stand around in mournful silence. Because I don’t think any of us are in good enough standing with any sort of higher power to ask for any favors on her behalf.  
        But while standing there, staring down at this mound of dirt before me, I can’t hold anything back anymore. Because it’s in this moment that I know I’ll never see her again. And I’ll never love anyone like I love her. I never even got to say goodbye.  
        Son of a bitch.  
        A cry escapes me, and my eye, it feels like it’s on fire. Being burned alive by something that hasn’t escaped me in decades. I feel a hand on my shoulder, but I push the gesture away. I have to get out of here. I can’t stay, not without her by my side. At least not right now. I turn away from her grave and start walking toward nothing in particular, ignoring the calls from my men for me to return. And then I just keep walking until I no longer hear them. I ain’t got a clue where I’m going. I don’t know what I’m looking for, but I’m drawn further and further away until I’m just wandering alone in the wastes, half expecting to be killed off by something any minute. Because I don’t think I even have the strength to fight for my life if necessary.  
        Hell, I don’t deserve to live. Not after what I let happen to the woman I love.


	2. Remember When

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porter Gage and the Sole Survivor are in love. After taking back Nuka-World and asserting their dominance in the Wasetland, the two feel as though they’ve finally found their place in the world. But during one of their raids, something goes terribly wrong, and Gage finds himself wandering the Commonwealth until coming to find an answer he never expected in the heart of The Institute.
> 
> *Gage winds up in Goodneighbor and tries to cope with the death of Emery.*
> 
> *Listening to: Angel by Depeche Mode

        It’s been two months since Emery died, and I’ve yet to return to Nuka-World. Instead, I found myself wandering the Commonwealth, doing random shit to survive until my travels brought me to Goodneighbor. I was only supposed to be here for a night. But a night turned into a week. Which turned into a month, and now, here I am still shacking up at the Hotel Rexford, paying ten caps a night for a shitty ass room with so many holes in the wall that I might as well just ask my neighbor to move in with me.  
        But none of that shit matters. I got more caps than I know what to do with, and I spend most my time at the Third Rail getting wasted anyway. I was never much of a drinker, but after what happened with Emery, I kinda picked it up. Makes it easier to sleep at night, bein’ hammered drunk. Cause then I don’t dream. But I like this town. About as much as I can like anywhere in my current state. Bunch of low-life scavvers hangin’ ‘round, either too high or too oblivious to realize they got a raider walking among them. Or maybe they just don’t give a shit.  
        Hell, the only shit I got was when I first arrived. Mayor Hancock tolerates me. Mostly because I told him I was retired. Also because he noticed how burdened I seemed. Like he knew exactly the kinda shit I was dealin’ with, and I think a part of him is kinda hopin’ I’ll drink myself to death at some point.  
        I like drinkin’ at the Third Rail though. The people mostly leave me alone, and the music ain’t so bad either. But on particularly busy nights, I usually make my way into the VIP section.     Because only one other person hangs out in there, and he don’t talk. Which suits me just fine. A mercenary, by the looks of him. But I guess after retreating to the VIP room three nights in a row, this merc grew tired of me invading his space.  
        “You know this section is for VIP, right?” he asks.  
        I scoff and exhale a large cloud of cigarette smoke. “I’m the most important person in this fuckin’ town.”  
        He chuckles from behind me, but I keep my back to him. “You some kind of raider?”  
        “You some kinda merc?” I mutter and then take a drink of bourbon.  
        “Yeah, I am. Looking for work too.”  
        “Do I look like I need to hire a mercenary to do my dirty work?” I grumble.  
        “No, I suppose you don’t. But I’d be lying if I said you weren’t scaring off all my customers. You’re a raider. I could tell from a mile away.”  
        “Well good for fuckin’ you!” I say in an upbeat tone of voice, and he laughs again.  
        I feel his presence grow closer, and when he moves next to me, I look up to him. Ready to take him out if necessary. “Look, I’d appreciate it if you got the hell out of here. A man’s gotta make a living, and no one’s going to come in here looking for me so long as you’re sitting over here plotting your next kill.”  
        “You got alotta balls comin’ up to me with that shit,” I say and then take a drag from my cigarette, but two men entering the room distracts this merc from me.  
        “Can’t say I’m surprised to find you in a dump like this, MacCready,” one of them says, and I’m relieved they stepped in before I broke the kid’s neck. Because now that I get a better look at him, that’s exactly what he looks like. Some punk kid playing mercenary.  
        “I was wondering how long it’d take you bloodhounds to track me down, Winlock. It’s been almost three months. Don’t tell me you’re getting rusty. Should we take this outside?” the kid says, and I snicker through taking a drag from my cigarette.  
        I glance over my shoulder at the two guys standing in front of him. They got some weight on him, and I can’t lie, I kinda respect the kid for even attempting to stand up for himself.  Because there ain’t no way he’d survive a fight between those two. “It ain’t like that,” one of them says. “Just here to deliver a message.”  
        “Hey you!” I glance over my shoulder. Because who the hell else would they be talking to? “Beat it,” one of them says.  
        “What’s that?” I ask, almost in disbelief.  
        “You heard me. Get lost. We got some business to take care of, and we don’t need any witnesses around.”  
        “Eh, don’t waste your time,” the kid says while waving his hand to me, but they hardly pay him any mind. I turn on my stool to open myself up a bit. Show ‘em I ain’t scared of them or whatever threats they have to make. Gunners, judging by their attire. But one of them approaches me, gets right in my face.  
        “I’m gonna give you to the count of three.”  
        I can’t hide a smirk. “Oh yeah? What happens on three?”  
        “You might not want to test them, old man,” the kid says, but I’m only paying attention to the guy in front of me. This Gunner standing in my face, I’m amused by him. And I’ve been itching to let out a bit of aggression.  
        “I’ll tell you what happens on three. You’ll be picking up your teeth with broken fingers. One…” I take a drag of my smoke and put it out in the ashtray. “Two…”  
        “Three.” I grab the piece of scum by the back of his neck and smash his face into the edge of the bar. A loud crack followed by the feeling of him going limp, and his buddy is now on high alert, pulling a pistol from his belt and pointing it at me. But this gunner has something I don’t have. Something to lose, and the moment of hesitation from not wanting to cause a scene in the  Third Rail allows me to get the upper hand on him.  
        I grab the barrel of his gun and twist his arm to the side. I feel his bones crack in my hand, and his howls in pain echo throughout the bar. “Holy shit! I mean…holy…holy shit!” the kid yells from next to me, and I glance at him while tucking the gunner’s gun into the back of my jeans. The gunner still cries in pain in front of me, and his friend? Hell, I think he died.

        “Get your stinkin’ hands off me, you damn dirty ghoul!” I shout as the bouncer throws me out of the Third Rail. I stagger to catch my balance, but the young mercenary being tossed out behind me knocks us both down.  
        “What did I do?!” the he yells.  
        “You can come back tomorrow, MacCready. But leave your friend at home this time,” the bouncer says as I shove the merc away from me and struggle to stand.  
        I wipe my hands on my jeans. “I don’t even know the guy!” MacCready yells while standing up again, but I’m tired of the bullshit that surrounds him. Hell, if it weren’t for him, I’d still be drinkin’ my life away. But everyone’s always quick to blame a raider. I start heading back to the Hotel Rexford. Guess I’ll call it a night. “Hey, why’d you have to go and do that?”  
        I turn to him. “Do what? Save your ass?”  
        “Oh, is that what you did? Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you cost me a night of finding a potential client,” he snaps.  
        “You just saw what happened down there. You really want to start in on this?”  
        “Hey, no one’s afraid of you around here. You’re just some washed up old raider who’s finally started to realize that you’ve wasted your life taking from people and it getting you nowhere.  So why don’t you do us all a favor and just end it already? You sure look like you want to.” I open my mouth to respond, but he turns away from me. I’m ready to knock him over the head, but the chick with the bright orange hair that’s always around Hancock keeps him from going very far. “Ahhh…” Hell, even the kid’s afraid of her. Whatever the fuck her name is. Fire crotch? Some stupid shit like that.  
        “Hancock would like a word with the two of you,” she says, and I groan at the thought.  
        I don’t like answering to a lot of people. Just my raider bosses. But Hancock being the mayor of Goodneighbor, I feel it’s necessary to visit when he requests my presence. Mostly  because I don’t want to be thrown out on my ass any time soon. Also because for a ghoul, he’s pretty fuckin’ hardcore. Saw him stab a guy my first day in town.  
        We follow the girl into the state house and up a set of stairs until she leads us into a room lit mostly with candles. And there he is, the mayor of Goodneighbor leaning against one of the walls with his arms folded across his chest. “Fahrenheit. Thanks for grabbing them for me.”  
        Fahrenheit! That’s her fuckin’ name. She leaves us alone with the good mayor, and MacCready nods to him. “Hancock.”  
        “Hey MacCready. I see the Gunners are still giving you hell.”  
        “Nothing I can’t handle,” he says, but then the mayor looks at me.  
        “And you. I knew you were gonna be trouble.” I really don’t know what to say. Hancock sighs and pushes himself away from the wall, and a large blade attached to his belt is revealed. “What am I to do, gentlemen? I got a dead Gunner in my bar…”  
        “It was his fault,” MacCready says.  
        “The fuck?” Hancock folds his arms and directs his attention to me. “They started it.”  
        “And you finished it,” he says. “Good on you.” I hardly expected praise for my behavior, but I get the feeling he didn’t call us in here to praise me. “Just…one small problem. You left his friend alive. A rookie mistake.”  
        “I ain’t no rookie,” I say sternly.  
        Hancock considers. “So what are you gonna do about it?”  
        “What am I gonna do about it?” I ask, confused about where he’s going with any of it. And I suspect he’s actually giving me permission to kill the other one, but I need verbal confirmation about that sort of thing.  
        Hancock inhales deeply. “Listen, I gotta tell ya. I’m not too pleased with Gunners coming in and out of this place, looking for MacCready all the time. Puts my people on edge.”  
        “So throw his ass out.”  
        “Hey, I’m not the one who just killed a guy in the middle of the Third Rail. If anyone should be thrown to the super mutants, it should be the ex-raider here.”  
         Hancock laughs coolly. “No one’s getting thrown to the super mutants. We’re all one, big dysfunctional family here. And family members take care of each other, right?” We both hesitate to answer. “I owe you for taking out Winlock. Good move. But now you have a job to finish, and Goodneighbor can’t be held responsible for their deaths. You feel me?”  
         I nod. “Yeah, I feel you.”  
         “Take ‘em outside the fence a ways. Put a bullet in the other one’s head. We’ll say the raiders got to ‘em,” Hancock says, and as much as I don’t like the idea of doing the mayor’s dirty work while being buzzed, this is probably the best outcome I could have hoped for.  
         “All right, well it doesn’t seem like you really needed to talk to me at all, so I’m just gonna…” MacCready turns to leave.  
         “Whoa, whoa, whoa, MacCready,” Hancock says and then chuckles. “This is your mess we’re dealing with here. You’re gonna help our new friend take care of business.”  
         “You can’t be serious, Hancock,” he groans.  
         “As a heart attack.”  
        The kid’s not happy about it. And neither am I, to be honest. “Oh yeah?” he says. “And what’s gonna stop him from putting a bullet in my head as soon as we leave Goodneighbor?”  
        Hancock shrugs. “I’ll pay you three-hundred caps to get the job done. Both of you.”  
        “Shit, all right." Good enough for me.  
        “But if either of you come back without the other, the deal’s off,” Hancock says. “Think of it as a trust building exercise. Because we take care of our people, right?”

        I lead the way out of Goodneighbor with the dead Gunner slung over my shoulder while MacCready follows behind, escorting the other Gunner at gunpoint. And it’s in this moment that I realize how much Goodneighbor really is my kinda town. Because everyone we pass seems un-phased by the two of us. Or maybe they just know better than to meddle in Hancock’s personal affairs, and even though it’s an empowering moment for me—being able to haul a corpse through a town without any suspicion—I don’t exactly enjoy the idea of suddenly becoming Hancock’s personal assistant.  
        “This is a waste of time,” MacCready groans from behind me.  
        “Quit your whinin’. If you wouldn’t have gotten involved with these low-lives to begin with, we wouldn’t even be here.”  
        “Yeah? Well if you would have just left the VIP section when I asked, we wouldn’t be here either,” he gripes, and I’m ready to put a bullet in his head. But the attempted cry from the gagged and bound Gunner irritates me more. “Shut up,” MacCready and I groan in unison.  
        We make it out of Goodneighbor, and a cold chill shoots up my spine. Because even I know it’s a bad move to go wandering through downtown at night. But we don’t go too far. A few buildings away from the town, we find an alleyway, and I throw the dead Gunner to the ground. “Untie him,” I say to MacCready.  
        “What a wonderful idea. Untie him so he can run off and tell all the other Gunners what’s really going on here,” he says.  
        “If you don’t untie him and his men find him, they’re gonna know raiders ain’t the cause of their death,” I tell him, and as badly as he wants to retort, he does as he’s told. I point the pistol at the Gunner to keep him in place, and once he’s freed, MacCready moves to my side.  
        “Well, what are you waiting for?” he asks.  
        “Uh uh. This one’s yours. I killed the first one.”  
        “I never asked you to kill the first one,” MacCready groans.  
        “Nobody has to kill anybody,” the Gunner says, but we ignore.  
        “Look, if you don’t kill him then I’m gonna demand half your cut from Hancock. I mean, shit…it don’t seem fair us gettin’ paid the same amount if I do all the dirty work. And I think the mayor will agree.” MacCready groans. “Come on, you’re a merc, right?”  
        “Yeah, I’m a hired gun, not a psychopath like you,” he says, and I shove the pistol into his chest.  
        “Technically, Hancock hired you to finish ‘em off, so…there. You can sleep soundly tonight.” MacCready snatches the gun away from me, the two of us being able to reach a mutual, unspoken understanding that the pistol over his rifle is the best course of action. It’s quieter, less messy. I stand back and watch the scene, studying the ways in which this young merc chooses to execute someone. It’s always interesting to see how people go about this sort of thing.  
        “Come on, MacCready,” the Gunner says. “You don’t have to do this, man.”  
        “Sorry, Barnes. You shouldn’t have come looking for me.” Before the man has the chance to speak, MacCready pulls the trigger, and he falls to the ground next to his buddy, dead. The kid turns to me and hands me the gun, and I’m actually impressed by how calm he seems after doing something he really didn’t want to do.  
        “You good?” I ask while taking the pistol from him.  
        MacCready scoffs. “I killed my first person when I was nine. This is nothing new to me.”  
        Damn. And I thought I had it rough as a kid.  
        We make it back to Goodneighbor, and Hancock pays us our caps. And it’s normally around this time I’d go staggering back to my hotel room, drunk as a fuckin’ skunk, but our late night escapade sobered me up too much to attempt sleep. So I try and keep busy for a while. Keep my mind working until I feel tired enough, but without the Third Rail for entertainment, I’m out of options.  
        I leave the hotel and start wandering around Goodneighbor for a bit, but only the chem addicts and triggermen are present this late at night.   
        But in my boredom and desperation for some sort of mental stimulation, I wander into the place I’ve been curious about since my first visit but never found the courage to go until now.  The Memory Den.  
        The environment is calming, and it’s warm inside. The sort of place I’d love to curl up in and sleep for days. I look to the pods as I pass. Only one or two people are present, but they look so peaceful and calm while vising their past, and I’m envious of them. Envious, and also scared shitless of what I might feel if I dare go back.  
        “The Memory Den isn’t accepting new clients at the moment, sugar,” a middle-aged blonde says from a fancy couch on the podium in front of me. Hell, she’s fancy. The fanciest woman I ever saw up close. But her tits are practically hanging out of her corset, and I’m turned off at how hard she tries.  
        “What if I gave you five-hundred caps?” I mutter, ashamed to even really look at her. Because I’m not even sure if this is what I want. Maybe right now it is, but I might regret my decision later. But when she smiles and stands from her sofa, she beckons me to follow, and I just don’t have it in me to change my mind.  
        She escorts me to a back room with a lone pod inside and then closes the door behind us. “Doctor Amari is sleeping right now, so you won’t have the luxury of getting the entire run down of how this works. And normally, she’d be able to que up a specific memory, but if you’re so keen to revisit your past tonight, I’d be happy to oblige for the promised caps.”  
        I toss a bag of caps on the table next to us. “So…is it just gonna be random?” I ask.  
        “Yes. But more recent memories are the strongest and tend to come out first,” she says, and I climb into the pod. And as comfortable as it feels, I can no longer calm myself. Because I’m terrified of what I might see. Emery’s death again? Or maybe something that doesn’t involve her at all. Something stupid like what happened tonight, and I’ll have regretted paying five-hundred caps for that bullshit.  
        “You ready?” she asks, and I nod. She closes the pod, and a screen flips down in front of me. And everything around me starts getting dark. I start to smell something sweet—something I ain’t ever smelled before. But it makes me feel groggy, more tired than I’ve felt in days. And then I start to drift off—my limbs feeling airy and tingly. Like I’m just floating away.

        “What do you want more than anything in the world, Gage?” I catch glimpses of her. Her long, blonde hair covering half her face as she looks down at me and my hand touches her cheek. I see her biting her lip, trying to hide a smile. And then I see her walking in front of me, grabbing my hand and pulling me along the shore at Revere.  
        “You,” my voice says. She starts to turn to me on the beach, but she’s gone before I have the chance to see how beautiful she looks in that light—the sun rising up over the water. I hear her laugh. And I never realized how much I loved the sound.  
        “You already have me,” she says.  
        And now, I’m in bed with her. We’re naked together, her leaning over me as her hair tickles my chest. And I just can’t stop looking into her eyes. “Shit, I dunno. What do you want?”  
        She seems saddened by my question. “Freedom.”  
        I push her hair out of her face to admire the contours of her in the candlelight. She feels so real. Everything feels and looks so real. “We are free, Em. That’s the best part about living life this way. We’re free to do whatever we want. And ain’t no one gonna take that away from us.”  
        A faint smile spreads across her face. “I guess you’re right.” She leans over me and presses her sweet, soft lips against mine. And I feel a tightness grow in my chest. Because I want to exist in this moment for the rest of my life. And I know I can’t. She pulls inches away from my lips. “I love you, Gage,” she says quietly, and it’s the first time she ever said those words to me. I wish I could go back in time to this moment and tell her I loved her. Because I didn’t. Not this night, and I regret it so much.  
        But her voice begins to fade, and the room becomes dim. And now, I can’t even feel her anymore. But my body becomes cold. And I’m blinded by the brightness of the sun after having been in a dimly lit room. “Son of a bitch!” I hear her yell.  
        “Em!” No, this isn’t right. This isn’t what I want. “Emery!” Don’t look, Gage. Just close your eyes. But I can’t. I see everything that happened that day, but auras surround the sources of light making everything appear a bit hazy.  
        And now, I’m seeing flashes of battle, of Emery running to the building. And a man in black standing in the doorway before disappearing inside. No, this isn’t right. There was no man. No one saw a man standing there before, so why am I seeing him now. But a bright flash of blue blinds me, and the sound of an explosion followed by the intense heat burns my skin, and I jolt awake.  
        A gasp escapes me as my pod opens. I’m panting now, and my eye is watering. “That must have been an intense memory,” the woman says.  
        “How long was I out for?” I ask through heavy breaths.  
        “Six hours.”  
        I’m not even sure how to comprehend what happened, what I saw. But this was a bad idea, and I should have known better. I climb out of the pod and run to the exit of the Memory Den. Because everything I just saw, it was all too real. Too much for me to deal with in the presence of anyone else.


	3. Stranger Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porter Gage and the Sole Survivor are in love. After taking back Nuka-World and asserting their dominance in the Wasetland, the two feel as though they’ve finally found their place in the world. But during one of their raids, something goes terribly wrong, and Gage finds himself wandering the Commonwealth until coming to find an answer he never expected in the heart of The Institute.
> 
> *Gage discovers that there might be more to Emery's death than he thought.*
> 
> *Listening to: Castle by Halsey

        I only get about two hours of sleep before coming to terms with the fact that more than a few hours really is impossible without being three sheets to the fuckin’ wind. And it don’t help that I visited the Memory Den only hours before. Because now I can’t stop thinking about the day Emery died. The things I might not have noticed in the moment because of my panic or everything that was going on around me.  
        But the one thing I can’t get out of my head is the man dressed in black. I seen him in the alleyway on the way to our target. I’m sure of it now. And even though I don’t remember seeing him before the building exploded, my subconscious had to have seen him. Because why else would he appear in my memory if I don’t remember him?  
        Seeing Emery killed me, but I need answers. And maybe another go of it will paint a clearer picture. Although I’m not really sure why any of it matters. Emery’s still gonna be dead. I guess a bit of closure. Maybe I’ll find some peace if I know the reason she ran into the building.  
        I return to the Memory Den, and the same blonde from the night before is lounging on her sofa again. “I already told you, we’re not accepting any new clients,” she says, and I throw down another bag of caps in front of her. She seems uncomfortable this go, looking over her shoulder toward a back entry. “Fine. But we have to be discrete about this.”  
        She takes me to the same room as the night before and I climb back into the pod. “I need to see the same memory from last night.”  
        “Well, that’s not how this works. You’re not a client, and Doctor Amari is the only one who can target a specific memory.”  
        “Then go get Doctor Amari,” I mutter.  
        “I can’t do that. She’d never take you on.” She sneers. “Ex-raiders don’t exactly make the cut. You understand.”  
        I sigh and lean back in the lounger, and the woman closes the lid. Once again, the screen flips down in front of me, and everything gets dark. That sweet aroma fills the pod again, making me feel all hazy and tired until I drift off into my memories.  
        I’m hoping that because the day of Emery’s death is forefront in my mind that it’ll be the memory that comes up first, but after a flash of white starts to fade and I’m able to tell my surroundings, I see that I’m back in Nuka-World, standing in the Overboss’ quarters. It’s dark outside. That’s a good sign. Because so long as Colter was in charge, I was never in his room after dark.  
        “Porter Gage,” Emery says, and I turn to her. She stands before me, her long hair pulled up in a bun and wearing a white tank top and shredded green pants. I feel nervous at the sight of her, and then I remember exactly what happens here. “You wanted to talk?” she says.  
        “I, uhh…I just wanted to say that this…you know, the two of us working together like this, well, it’s been a damn good time. I left Nuka-World with you, hoping you’d be the Overboss the gangs needed. Seems like I didn’t need to worry in the least. No question you know how to take care of yourself, which is more than I can say for most. But damn if you don’t have fun doing it.  And more than that, I know you’ve got my back.”  
        She smirks, and her eyes narrow at me. I feel my heart start racing. Damn, she made me nervous as hell when I realized how much I cared for her. And that fear that she might not feel the same for me burdened my mind every day leading up to this conversation. “You’re damn right I got your back,” she says.  
        “I know you do. And that means something coming from you. It really does.”  
        She stares at me for a moment, waiting for something else from me. Or maybe I just built all this up in my head too much, and what I had to say to her really didn’t need to be said at all. Maybe she already knew. “Is that…all you wanted to say?”  
        No, it wasn’t. “Come on, boss. I’m not very good at this sort of thing. But I think you get what I’m saying.”  
        She shakes her head looking completely oblivious, the jackass. Because she knew. She always knew. “No, I think you need to elaborate.”  
        I shrug. “Just that…we, uhh…we make a good team, you and me. And after all we’ve been through, I feel like…I finally found somebody worth fighting with. Something worth fighting for.” She cocks an eyebrow, and I feel my skin grow hot. “I don’t mean to make it weird or nothing…”  
        “It’s not weird, Gage…”  
        “I’m just saying…this is a real good thing we got going here.”  
        She folds her arms and looks at me skeptically. And I desperately wanted to know what she was thinking in this moment. “You think so?” she asks.  
        “Yeah, boss. Don’t you?” I ask.  
        She shrugs. “I think it could be better.” And even though I now know what she meant when she said that, I still feel that crushing feeling in my chest when I first heard her say that. Because at the time, I figured she really didn’t care as much as I did. That maybe I just let me feelings for her get away from me. I guess a form of rejection.  
        “Well, okay…what do you suggest?”  
        A wry smile spreads across her face. “I want us to be together, Gage?”  
        And just like in the moment, I feel as though my heart stops beating. And I think I didn’t hear her correctly. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” But I remember feeling vulnerable in this moment. Like she was just messing with me, something she always liked to do. “Come on, boss, you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Not with the fucked up life I’ve had.”  
        “Really, Gage? Haven’t you ever thought about it? About us?”  
        I hesitate to answer. Because in this moment, I still didn’t know if she was fucking with me or not. “Well…okay, yeah. I’ve thought about us. We’ve been through a lot, and…you’re something else, all right?”  
        “So what’s the problem?”  
        “I, uhh…shit, I ain’t ever done anything like this before. Not sure it would work. I mean, are you?” But the smirk on her face made me feel like it was all just a game to her. “No kiddin’ around here, is this really what you want?”  
        “Come on, Gage. We’ve both been around long enough to know that stranger things have happened.”  
        “Heh…ain’t that the truth.” But she approaches me after that, and I become frozen. Yes, I know exactly where this is going, and when I feel her soft lips on my neck, I quiver. Fuck, I miss her so much. “You really are somethin’ else, Em,” I groan while she trails a line of kisses down my neck to my collar bone. “I feel like I found a piece of me I didn’t know was missin’.”  
        She looks up at me, and for the first time ever, her lips brush against mine. And she kisses me, deeply. The sort of kiss that can only be genuine, and after that, I never doubted that she wanted me. I feel like I should try and wake myself up before things continue—because I know exactly where this is going, but when Emery pushes me back into one of the armchairs, my curiosity of experiencing this moment in the Memory Den gets the better of me.  
        She gets to her knees and moves in between my legs, and I’m watching her in awe—taking in every detail I can. I run my fingers through her hair, and it feels so real. All of it, every detail feels so real, and my heart starts pounding from the anticipation of what’s coming next. Because I know exactly what’s coming.  
        “You don’t have to do this, Em,” I say while she unbuckles my belt, but she looks up at me and grins like a madman. “Jesus, boss…”  
        “You don’t want me to?” she asks, and I swallow hard.  
        “No, I…I do…” But she leans up and silences me with another sweet, tantalizing kiss. Her soft, juicy lips against mine, it drives me wild, and I imagine how good those lips are going to feel wrapped around my cock. Because lord knows I’ve thought about it enough. She settles herself in between my legs again and undoes my jeans, and I remember feeling insecure in this moment.   Because this really wasn’t where I was expecting our talk to go. And more than that, I can’t remember a time where I’ve been exposed to someone I care about so much. And I also remember  thinking that she’s fucking with me. This is all just some big trick she’s playing on me. Because she keeps that devious grin on her face. And I’m just waiting for her to start laughing at my  vulnerability. But when she wraps those sweet lips around me, all those terrible possibilities leave my mind. And I groan in pleasure.  
        Jesus, it feels so real. Everything. Her sucking me off, her hand moving up and down my shaft. The intense feeling of relief I felt when I realized she wasn’t screwing with me. When I realized she actually wanted me too. The pounding of my heart, the shakiness of my breath. My fingers weaving in her hair while she pleasures me this way, it’s…all so real.  
        “Uhhhhh…” I lean my head back and moan. Because it was years ago that a woman pleasured me in this way. Such an intimate act she performs, and it only makes me love her even more. Jesus, looking down at her in this moment brings me back to everything I felt that day, and a warm feeling comes over me. She looks up at me with her beautiful green eyes, my cock in her hand, her tongue running over the head. And it’s the sexiest thing I ever witnessed up until that point. “Fuck…” I whisper to myself.  
        “You like this?” she asks through that devious smirk.  
        “Yeah…you’re…really fucking good at that.” She laughs, and as much as I want to share the moment of her entertainment, she’s carried me off into a world of pleasure. She grips my dick firmly and starts running her tongue over my balls, jerking me off while she does. And it’s hard to breathe normally. I start to feel light-headed, but god damn, it feels so good. And I might actually come before my memory does. “Stop, stop, stop…” I say quietly while sitting forward. “Come here.” I grab her hands, and she stands.  
        No, I don’t want to see this part. I don’t want to feel this. It’ll break my heart. Because this moment is the closest and most connected I ever felt to her up until that point, and I know I’m not gonna come outta this pod in any good way if it continues. But the memory, it’s as strong as ever. And even when I try to look away from Emery, the image of her turning her back to me and pulling her pants down is imbedded in my mind.  
        Her perfect ass, her pale skin. So soft and so smooth, and I’m given the painful reminder when she lowers herself onto me, her back pressing into my chest. And then she puts me inside of her. And I quiver again. “Shit…you’re so wet, boss…”  
        She smiles and turns her head to the side. That tongue of her, she runs it over my lips. And I fall into her completely. The very moment she reduced me to slavery to her. “See how sexy you are, Gage?” She moans. “You make me so wet…”  
        She forces a whimper out of me, and I remember being embarrassed by the sound. But fuck, having a woman like her on top of me like this, it’s enough to drive a man wild. She’s young, smooth against me and feels so small in my arms. And the feeling of her on my dick, it’s better than I ever imagined. So warm, so tight…like she was only ever waiting for me.  
        I bring my hands to her waist as she grinds her hips into me, and I’m amazed by the way she moves her body. I kiss her shoulder, but the cloth from her shirt gets in the way of her soft skin, and I need to feel that on my lips. “Take…take this off,” I whisper.  
        Emery leans forward and pulls off her shirt and then her bra before leaning back into me, and I can’t resist the urge to grab fistfuls of her tits. She starts moving on top of me again, and that dire need inside of me starts building up into an uncomfortable feeling. A pressure in desperate need of being released. Shit, this can’t happen to me. Not right now.  
        “Does that feel good, Gage?”  
        I groan and lean my head into her back. “Yeah…shit, keep going…” she leans back into me, and I lean into the chair. My hands move to her hips, and I hold onto her as they move rhythmically on top of me. Fuck, she drives me wild. But that feeling inside of me is becoming unbearable. She makes me feral, and I start thrusting my hips upward and deeper inside of her.  
        She moans and leans her head back next to mine. “Touch me,” she whispers, and I move my hand in between her legs to start pleasuring her in that way, and she starts writhing on top of me. Our breathing, it becomes heavier, and our skin is burning against each other. And it’s in this moment I realized that I’d never been closer to anyone in my life. And I never wanted to let her go. “Oh…Gage, keep doing that,” she moans, and she starts trembling against me.  
        I become tense, my breathing becomes shaky. And I’m so fucking close. “I never thought I’d ever get to do this to you,” I groan through clenched teeth, my face pressed against the side of hers. “Fuck, I’ve wanted you for so long, Em.”  
        A squeal escapes her. “Oh my god…” she says, desperation in her voice. “I’m coming…”  
        And her words are enough to send me over the edge in real life. And I only know it’s happening in real time because I keep going in the memory. That explosive, intense feeling of relief coming out of me…taking everything I have as it leaves my body…I don’t think I can handle it twice. But she keeps going on top of me, and I keep thrusting up into her. The strangest sensation  I ever felt in my life comes over me. A desperation for her to keep going in my memory, but the overstimulation in real life is almost too much, and I don’t know which need is more intense.  
        “I’m gonna come, Em…” I groan.  
        Fuck, not again. I don’t have anything…anything left…oh, fuck…  
        I lift her off of me a bit, and the most intense orgasm of my life shoots out of me and onto her perfect little cunt. My body, it convulses at the feeling. “Oh…oh, shit…”  
        “That’s right, Gage. Give me everything you’ve got,” she moans, and my body jerks as more comes out of me and onto her. And now, I feel exhausted. My heart is pounding, and it’s difficult to catch my breath. Another conflicting set of emotions comes over me. My moment of clarity in real time and in the memory. In real time, I regret having come to the Memory Den. In the memory? It’s the happiest and most satisfied I’ve felt in a long while.  
        My desperation in this moment sickens me. The desperation I have for something more from her. A bit of comfort or assurance that she still wants me, and I press my face against the side of hers, waiting for that bit of affection when she turns her head to the side and kisses me. And it’s in that moment that I realized she had big plans for the two of us.  
        Fuck, I want her back.  
        The pod door opens, and I’m ripped back into the reality of living life without her. And I hate myself for giving the Memory Den another go. I pick my head up and look down at my body. Yeah, I definitely came in real life. “Son of a…”  
        The elderly blonde chuckles from next to me. “One of those, huh?”  
        “Do you just sit here and watch while people venture into their past?” I snap.  
        She smirks at me. “Yes.”  
        But it’s hardly forefront in my mind. I climb out of the pod, and my legs feel shaky beneath me. I’m exhausted, and I’m ready to change clothes and get some much needed sleep after the physical ordeal my body just went through. I leave the Memory Den with promises never to come back. Because I can’t handle that shit again.  
        I sleep for the rest of the day, but my dreams bring me no peace. I dream of Emery. And when I awake in the early evening, I feel that emptiness inside of me growing bigger and more aggressive than before. Because before, I could tame my demons with alcohol. But after being banned from the Third Rail, it seems I have no other choice but to face them.  
        Or go buy a bottle of bourbon from one of the vendors and just get plastered in my hotel room. As much as I try and convince myself that now’s the time to break free of my alcohol induced and blurred existence, after what happened in the Memory Den, I really can’t find any good reason for now being the time to get sober.  
        I make my way through Goodneighbor, and the number of people present during the early evening annoys me. I’m running into people, weaving in and out of them while walking toward the vendors, and even though they don’t seem to notice me or care in the least that a raider walks among them, their presence still frustrates me. Because maybe I’m feeling a bit too ashamed of myself to be around these low-life scavvers.  
        I enter the general store area and toss a few caps on the counter. “Bottle of bourbon.”  
        The ghoul standing behind the counter don’t much care for me, which suits me just fine. She reaches under the counter and places my bottle in front of me. “You’re three caps short.”  
        Yeah, she fuckin’ hates me. But, fuck it. I toss three more caps onto the counter and grab my bottle to leave, but that young fuckin’ merc from the previous night is sitting on the bench outside the store, and he’s watching me. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite ex-raider.”  
        “The hell do you want?” I grumble.  
        He shrugs. “I’m just getting some fresh air.” He looks to the bottle in my hand. “You drink too much, you know that?”  
        “What the fuck do you care?”  
        “I don’t. Just making an observation. Wondering how you made it this far in life being drunk all the time.” I don’t have the time or patience to deal with his prying. Honestly, if it weren’t for the sneaking suspicion I had about Hancock having vested interest in the kid, I’d probably slit his throat in his sleep.  
         I start making my way back to the Hotel Rexford, and when I turn the corner—after having to dodge a few incoming inhabitants of this shithole town—I see a man standing outside of the State House. And he’s wearing all black.  
        I stop for a moment, attempting as best I can to get a better look at him through the crowd of people, but he keeps his head turned away from me. Like he knows I’m trying to get a better look at him. But my heart starts pounding. Because I know it’s the same man I saw before—myself never having seen such a unique trench coat before. It sticks out like a sore thumb. And how the hell he managed to get out of that building before it was blown to shit is beyond me, but an overwhelming sense of rage comes over me.  
        “Son of a bitch.” I start making my way through the crowd toward him, but the number of people present slow me down. And then, a woman exiting the State House grabs my attention. Long, blonde hair, and from behind, she looks exactly like Emery.  
        I’m frozen in place. No, it can’t be her. There’s no fucking way. But I hear her voice through the crowd. And her voice, I know all too well. “Emery?”  
        Her and the man start walking further away from me, and even though I didn’t get a look at her face, I’m convinced it’s her. I start pushing through the crowd, moving as fast as I can to catch up to her. “Emery!” I yell, but her and the man continue walking further away from me, and I’m being slowed down by all the people in the way. “Move!” I yell while shoving someone aside. “Em!”  
         They turn down an alleyway, breaking my line of sight. I force my way through the crowd, knocking people over as I do. “Emery, wait!” I yell, and by the time I make it to the alley, her and the man are nowhere in sight. But I hear her voice from around the corner. Jesus, it’s really her. “Emery!”  
        I run down the alley and turn the corner, but a flash of blue light blinds me for a moment, and when my eyes adjust back to the dim lighting in the back alley, they’re gone. I run my hands over my eyes. Maybe they’re just playing tricks on me. But deep down, I know better. I fucking saw her and the man in black.  
        I look all around the alley, up to the sky even. But they’re nowhere to be found.  
        While walking back to the main street, I try to rationalize the situation. Maybe my visits to the Memory Den are fucking with me. Making me hallucinate. Or maybe this woman I saw—maybe she just kinda looked like Emery. Hell, I didn’t even really see her face.  
        But shit, I could never mistake her voice. No, it was all too real. And I’m fucking sober, so that’s saying something. I lower myself onto a bench and just sit outside of the State House for a while, hoping that maybe the woman will come back. But after about an hour, I realize that waiting for her probably won’t give me the answers I need. She came out of the State House. Which means she had business here in Goodneighbor. Mostly likely with Hancock.  
        “Well if it ain’t my old pal, the ex-raider,” Hancock says as I enter the room.  
        “Name’s Porter Gage,” I mutter, and he shrugs.  
        “What can I do for you, my man?”  
        I hesitate to speak. Because I’m not even sure where to begin. “You just had a visitor. I wanna know who she was.”  
        Hancock chuckles. “That little blonde number? Trust me, you ain’t her type.”  
        “Who is she?” I ask, and the awkward, long silence between us is unnerving, the only other sound coming from the crackling fireplace. Fahrenheit sits on the sofa between us, her eyes darting to Hancock after my inquiry, and I get the feeling something big is happening here.  
        Hancock smirks. “She’s…an old friend of mine.”  
        “And that guy she was with?” I ask, and Hancock seems to be growing impatient. “Where…where’d they go?”  
        “Sorry, pal. I’m sworn to secrecy, and the last thing I need is the Institute coming down on my ass and Goodneighbor.”  
        “The Institute?”  
        Fahrenheit scoffs. “Jesus, what, have you been living under a rock for the past year?”  
        Nah, I know who the Institute is. I’ve fought their synths on more than one occasion. I just don’t know what it has to do with Emery, other than the fact that they’re to blame for her death. Or…not her death. Shit, I’m so confused. “Look, that woman who was here…I know her. We’re…very close, and…a few months ago, she went missing. And I thought she was dead until I just saw her walking out of here. So…I’d appreciate a bit of cooperation.”  
        “You’re mistaken, my man. There’s no way it’s her,” Hancock says, and I grow frustrated. And disheartened. And normally I’d torture someone into giving me the information I need, but I can’t exactly do that given present company. Hancock sighs. “You know, you look like you’re going through some shit. You’ve lost someone you care about, and the grief is overwhelming, I get it…”  
        “No, you don’t understand…”  
        “Oh, I understand. But I can’t give you the answers you need. Sorry.” It’s getting hard for me to keep calm. I watch Hancock move to a table, gritting my teeth and clenching my fists the entire time, attempting to restrain myself as best I can. He lights a cigarette. “I think I know someone who might be able to help you.”  
        “Hancock,” Fahrenheit interjects, but he dismisses her.  
        “Our new friend here is looking for answers. The least I can do is point him in the right direction.” She seems unnerved, and Hancock, utterly pleased with himself. “You ever been to Diamond City?” he asks, and I shake my head. “Course not. They don’t let our type through the gates. But there’s a man out there you should talk to. Name’s Nick Valentine, private detective. Just make sure you got enough caps to pay him. I don’t expect he'll be taking you on Pro bono, not with your history.”  
        “How am I supposed to get to him if they won’t let me in the city?” I groan.  
        “Come on, man. You’re a raider. Use your head. Be resourceful. I know your bunch aren’t exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer, but damn.” I stand there for a moment, considering whether or not I should be thankful for him. “Anything else I can do for you?”  
        “Nah, you’ve done enough.”  
        I leave the State House with a completely different mindset than going in. And deep down, I feel a bit of hope coming out of me, something I haven’t felt in months. But with that hope, a dark, brooding feeling. Something similar to feeling betrayed. Or played for a fool. My better judgement tells me to leave it alone. Tells me there’s no way in hell it’s Emery. But the bit of hope I have, it convinces me that I need to get to Diamond City. And there’s only one way I can think to do it.  
        “Hey, MacCready,” I call to the young merc standing outside the Third Rail, smoking a cigarette, and he groans at the sight of me.  
        “Christ, what do you want?”  
        “Still looking for work?”  
        He raises an eyebrow at me. “I thought you weren’t the type to get a merc to do your dirty work.”  
        “Yeah, I’m not. I don’t need you looking out for me. This…this is different.”  
        “Sorry, no thanks. I can’t ruin my reputation by hanging around a raider.”  
        “Your reputation’s already shit after being involved with the Gunners.” He laughs and flicks his cigarette. But the kid’s not budging, and I’m growing frustrated with having to keep my cool and negotiate to get my way. Not the sort of behavior I’m used to. Not the sort of restraint I’m familiar with exercising. “I’ll pay you a hundred caps.”  
        “No way.”  
        “Two-hundred,” I say, a bit more forceful.  
        “Not happening,” he says smugly.  
        “Three-hundred.”  
        He considers. “Keep talking.”  
        Son of a…and I thought raiders were greedy. “Four-hundred. That’s my final offer.”  
        MacCready smirks. “What’s the job?”  
        I hesitate to answer. Fuck, I hate being in this position. “I need you to get me into Diamond City.”  
        MacCready starts laughing, and I almost punch him in the face. He thinks I’m joking, but his smile fades when he realizes I’m being serious. “They’ll never let you through the gates.”  
        “Which is why we’re even talking.”  
        He pushes himself away from the wall and moves closer to me. I guess as a way to try and intimidate for whatever reason. “What’s your business there?”  
        “It’s…complicated.”  
        “Yeah, well you’ll understand if I tell you to buzz off. I’m not about to help a raider gain entry to Diamond City just so you can feed your hunger for a rampage.”  
        I groan. “It ain’t like that. Hancock gave me the name to a detective out there, and…I need to talk to him.”  
        He’s skeptical. “Nick Valentine. What’s your business with him?”  
        “Does it matter?” I ask, annoyed with his prying.  
        “Yeah, it does. If I’m risking my neck to get you into Diamond City, I wanna know exactly what it is you want with any of the people residing there.”  
        I honestly don’t blame him. And my frustration is only the result of having spent my whole life convincing people that I can’t be trusted. But I feel awkward as hell telling this young merc about my problems. “Someone…someone very close to me disappeared a few months ago. I thought she died, but…recent events have got me thinking that maybe something else happened. And maybe she’s still alive.”  
        “A raider?” he asks, unimpressed.  
        “Yeah, a fucking raider. But she’s still a person. And if she’s been…kidnapped, I need to find her. And before you even get that look on your face, let me just say that she ain’t like other raiders. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, only puts people down when she feels they deserve it. Not much different than how you operate, I’m assuming.”  
        MacCready groans. “And what makes you think I can get you into Diamond City?”  
        “Well…I have a plan for all that.”  
        “I get the feeling I’m not going to like this. Not at all.”

        After loading up on gear and supplies, the two of us leave Goodneighbor and head out toward Diamond City in the dead of night. And MacCready is very vocal with his objections to wander through downtown at night. But we make it to Diamond City relatively unscathed. Relatively, but not completely. The two of us found ourselves in the crossfire between a gang of super mutants and raiders. But we emerge at the end of battle, a bit shaken, but with no serious injuries. “You handled yourself pretty well there, kid,” I say while leading the way down an alley.  
        “This isn’t my first rodeo, old man.”  
        I scoff. “Old man.”  
        But our pace slows as we start nearing the gates of Diamond City, and it sticks out like a sore thumb amongst the darkness of the wastes. The bright lights from within illuminate the town from miles away, and even with the amount of guards and turrets present, I’m amazed that they don’t suffer attacks more often.  
        “You know, you still haven’t told me about this plan of yours,” MacCready says, and now that we’re in front of the gate, I’m starting to question whether or not this will actually work in our favor.  
        “Yeah, about that…”  
        “Christ, you don’t have a plan, do you?”  
        “I have a plan,” I groan. But the amount of security puts me on edge. “I just…I don’t know if it’s gonna work.” I grab the collar of his jacket and pull him forward. “But…you should probably do the talking.”  
        “Okay, fine. But what am I saying?”  
        Damn, I get the feeling this ain’t gonna end well. Because the turrets, they’re pointed directly at us. And any sign of threat, they’ll start shooting. And there ain’t any cover around. Not near enough to avoid a few bullet holes, at least. “You’re, a, uh…a trader. Up from Quincy. And I’m your hired gun.”  
        He turns to me, eyes wide. “That’s your plan?”  
        “Come on, man, I ain’t got nothin’ else…”  
        “What’s your business in Diamond City?” An aggressive voice says through the intercom, and I can tell by the look on MacCready’s face that he lacks just as much faith as I do for our plan. Shit, it sounded good in Goodneighbor. But I give him a pleading look. Because he’s the only way I’m getting through the gates. My only chance at finding out what really happened with Emery.  
        MacCready groans and faces the intercom. “Yeah, I’m, uh…I’m a trader looking to do business.”  
        “Oh yeah?” the voice says, unconvinced. “What sort of trading do you do?”  
        “Sex toys, mostly.” I smack him upside the head. “Ah…guns. And ammo.”  
        “Who’s that with you? Looks like a raider to me,” the voice says.  
        “It’s a new program I’m heading up. Reform For Raiders. Taking one raider at a time and transforming them into contributing members of society.” This kid, I fucking swear.  
        “Hmm. Sounds like a good cause.”  
        MacCready chuckles. “Yeah, well it’s been working wonders for this one.”  
        The intercom goes silent for a while, and just when I think he’s gone and blown it all, the gates to Diamond City start to open. “Just keep him on a short leash, will ya?”  
        MacCready moves next to me, and we watch in amazement while the gates open to welcome us inside. And once they’re completely open, MacCready laughs. “Diamond City Security. Not exactly the brightest bunch.” I push him forward to lead the way through the gates. As we enter, armed guards watch us intently, clenching their guns, ready to put me down the second I step out of line.  
        “Don’t let him out of your sight,” one of the guards says to MacCready as we pass.  
        We climb the steps leading to the inner part of the city, and as it’s revealed to me, I’m in awe of the layout before me. Sure, Nuka-World is a much more incredible sight. But I never expected to see something so successful come out of the wastes of the Commonwealth. Lit up like a damn nuclear explosion and people bustling through the market down below despite how late in the evening it is. The city that hardly ever sleeps, only the inhabitants aren’t low-life scavvers like in Goodneighbor.  
        MacCready leads the way down the steps and further into the market, and unlike in Goodneighbor, the two of us catch the attention of everyone we pass. I see a mother steer her child in the opposite direction of us, people going out of their way to steer clear. Normally, I’d love this sort of attention. But I’m trying to lay low here in Diamond City, and if enough people are scared of me, I get the feeling they’ll toss me outside before I even get the chance to talk to Hancock’s private eye.  
        The two of us pass through the market and turn toward a dark corridor. MacCready nudges me and points to a neon sign. Valentine Detective Agency. This is it. This is fucking the moment I’ve been needing since losing Emery. Because even if the answer I’m looking for is that she’s in fact dead, it’ll give me a bit of closure. At least, I hope it will.


	4. The Right Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porter Gage and the Sole Survivor are in love. After taking back Nuka-World and asserting their dominance in the Wasetland, the two feel as though they’ve finally found their place in the world. But during one of their raids, something goes terribly wrong, and Gage finds himself wandering the Commonwealth until coming to find an answer he never expected in the heart of The Institute.
> 
> *Gage gets a bit of useful information and walks the Freedom Trail to learn more about the Institute.*
> 
> *Listening to: The Ruler and the Killer by Kid Cudi

        We enter the detective agency, and a young woman sitting behind a desk looks up at us. And she seems unnerved by the sight. She glances over her shoulder to a man in a dirty trench coat and fedora. But the most notable thing about him, the thing that almost sends me right back out the door, he’s a fucking robot. A synth, but one I’ve never seen before, and it looks like he lost a fight with a deathclaw.  
        “MacCready,” he says. “I thought I told you not to come around here anymore.” The synth steps forward, and I think he focuses on me. To be honest, looking him directly in the face makes me feel uncomfortable. “And who’s your friend?”  
        MacCready scoffs. “He’s no friend of mine.”  
        “You Nick Valentine?” I mutter.  
        “I am. And this is my business you’re walking into, pal. So whatever tricks you have up your sleeve, I suggest you take it outside and we can talk there.”  
        I clear my throat and try to think of anything to say to ease their troubled minds. “I, uh…Hancock from Goodneighbor sent me.”  
        “Did he now?” Valentine asks. He’s quiet for a long while. “Ellie, why don’t you go and take a break. I’m gonna have a word with our new friend here.” The girl doesn’t even hesitate to leave her seat and brush past MacCready and I to leave. “Look, I didn’t want to say anything in front of Ellie, but I’m not taking any more business Hancock sends my way. It always ends badly, and I get the feeling that whatever you’re wanting for me will be just more of the same. Unless you’ve been hired to kill me.”  
        “No, nothing like that,” I assure. “But I do need your help. It’s important.”  
        “I assumed that. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here. But what makes you think I’d even consider helping a raider like yourself? I’m not one to discriminate, but your people only cause pain and suffering to those around them. And I won’t be a party to it.”  
        “I’ll pay you.”  
        “There aren’t enough caps in the world to make me accept your case, whatever it is. Stolen chems or a weapons cache.”  
        “Come on, Valentine,” MacCready says. “The man’s heart is broken. You love that sentimental crap.”  
        “Please, man…I ain’t got nowhere else to go,” I say, and the sound of me begging makes me wince. This is why I fucking hate people. This is why I just take what I want without asking.  People are sadists, all of them, myself included. And I’d rather not deal with the bullshit that comes with reasoning with someone. “And whatever moral struggle you’re dealing with right now, you don’t have to worry about that with me. I’m retired.”  
        “And I should just take you at your word? Don’t think I don’t know exactly who you are,” he says, and I’m skeptical.  
        “Who am I?”  
        “You’re the man responsible for the growing number of raider settlements in the Commonwealth. Second in command of Nuka-World. Mr. Porter Gage.” I don’t even want to know how he has all that information about me.  
        “I knew teaming up with you was a bad idea,” MacCready gripes.  
        “Look, I just need some answers. Someone who has any kind of understanding of what might be happening. I’m not asking you to conduct…a full investigation. To be honest, I prefer to do my own dirty work. But I need someone who’s willing to talk to me. Because all this shit…it don’t make no sense to me.” I shrug. “Maybe if you could just, like, explain it to me and I’ll…I’ll put the pieces together myself.” Nick considers. “I just need five minutes. And I’m…more than happy to pay for that time. You can charge me whatever you think is fair. I got more than enough caps.”  
        He lowers himself into the chair in front of the desk and motions to the chair beside me. Shit, I can’t believe that actually worked, but I don’t question his reasons for agreeing. I take the seat in front of him. But still, I avoid looking at him for too long. Because he’s freaking me out. And I just don’t think I can hide my pained expression from him. “Any time you’re ready to begin, feel free,” he says after a few moments of awkward silence.  
        “Should…should I just start at the beginning?” He nods. “All right, well…shit, I don’t even know how to make sense of any of it, but…two months ago, my…” damn, I don’t even know how to refer to her. “Emery died in…an explosion. I mean, I watched her run into a building, and…seconds later it blew up. So I assumed she died.”  
        “You ever find a body?” he asks, and I shake my head. “This why you need my advice?”  
        “Yeah…well, no. I mean…I could easily assume she died. There was…a lot of rubble, and we couldn’t dig through it all. I just…I mean, there was no way, in my mind, she could have made it out on time.”  
        “So, your girlfriend dies and you need a private investigator? Do you suspect foul play?”  
        I shake my head. “No, nothing like that. And to be honest, I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for something I saw in Goodneighbor earlier today.” Everything that’s going through my mind, it confuses myself beyond belief, and I’m finding it difficult to put my concerns into words. I lean forward on the desk. “Look, the day Emery died, I saw a man dressed in black hanging around the building we were…uh…monitoring. And then today, I saw the same man in Goodneighbor. Before I could even get to him though, ask him about what happened…I saw her. At least, I think it was her. I’m pretty sure, I mean…I didn’t really get a look at her face.”  
        “You sure your mind’s just not playing tricks on you? Some times when people suffer a severe trauma like the one you’re describing, their mind tries to fill in the gaps. Make sense of something that for all intents and purposes just doesn’t make any.”  
        “No, I…I know what I saw. I tried to call out to her, but her and that man walked into an alley. And before I could get to her, there was…this flash of blue light, and…and then they were gone, just like that. Like they vanished into thin air.”  
        “Oh boy,” MacCready groans.  
        “Look, I know how it sounds, all right?” I say aggressively.  
        “No, I’m not so sure you do,” Valentine says while glancing to MacCready. He slides a pad of paper in front of himself and grabs a pen. “Tell me more about this Emery.”  
        “She, uh…she’s got long, golden blonde hair. Emerald green eyes. Fair skin, but…it’s the smoothest, cleanest skin I’ve ever seen before. Perfect teeth, perfect smile.” I start reminiscing about her, getting lost in my memories of her. “And when she sings…it damn near breaks your heart. I ain’t ever met a woman like her before.”  
        MacCready sniffles. “You need a minute?” he asks while placing his hand on my shoulder, and I shrug him away.  
        “As touching as all of this sounds, we should stick to the facts,” Valentine says. “You say she’s got long blonde hair and green eyes. That’s a good start. Is she tall, short, fat, skinny?”  
        I shake my head. “Nah, she’s…she’s average height. Average build, I guess.”  
        “And what about the type of person she is? From how you describe her, she sounds clean. Well taken care of. Not the type I’d expect from a raider.”  
        “No, she…she wasn’t a raider until recently. I…” wish to skip the details. “I encouraged her to take the position of Overboss of Nuka-World, and she did. But she’s strong, hell of a fighter and a brilliant tactician. And she’s smart as hell.”  
        “Hmmm…sounds a lot like Esme, don’t you think?”  
        “Yeah, it does,” MacCready says.  
        “Who’s Esme?”  
        “The newly appointed leader of The Institute. But that wouldn’t make any sense. I don’t know why Esme would waste her time with a bunch of raiders. Spent most of her time in the Commonwealth putting them down. When she wasn’t looking for her son or avenging her husband’s death.”  
        I shake my head. “Nah, that’s not her. Emery was never married. Never had kids.”  
        “It is suspicious though. That blue light you’re describing, it’s not a hallucination, my friend, and only a few people have witnessed such an event,” Valentine says.  
        “What is it?” I ask.  
        “It’s how people living in the Institute get around. Teleportation, I think is what was discovered. You say you saw this blue light in Goodneighbor?”  
I nod. “And…the day she died, but…it took me a while to remember that bit.” He’s quiet for a while. “What if she’s been kidnapped?”  
        “Kidnapped, huh? Well, the Institute does have a history of snatching people up in the middle of the night, though there haven’t been any reported cases of that recently. But from what you tell me about her, she doesn’t seem the type to be taken by a group of scientists.”  
        “What about a courser?” MacCready asks.  
        “What’s a courser?”  
        Nick considers for a moment. “Well, a courser is the driving component of the SRB. The Synth Retention Bureau. But their main objective is to go out and capture runaway synths. And they’re not typically used for anything but that.”  
        “No, Emery’s not a synth. I would have known. We were…we were close.” I assure.  
        “Be that as it may, it’s not unheard of for the Institute to kidnap someone of significant power and replace them with a synth. Look at what happened with Mayor McDonough.”  
        “McDonough was a synth?” MacCready responds, stunned.  
        “But I just don’t see why they’d bother with a gang of raiders,” Valentine continues. “Even if this girl of yours controlled a lot of territory and settlements. They tend to set their sights a bit higher than that. Like Diamond City or The Brotherhood of Steel. It’s why you don’t really see a lot of them on patrol anymore. Not after what happened with Paladin Danse.”  
        “Paladin Danse was a synth?”  
        “Yeah, I don’t give a rat’s ass about who these people are.”  
        “I’m just saying that The Institute has a habit of sending their synths out into the Commonwealth. Some of them escape, thanks to the Railroad. And some of them are used to infiltrate higher ranking factions and settlements. All to get them under their control. And with the newer generation models of synths, you never really know what’s what. It’s not so obvious anymore like with myself.”  
        “You’re a synth?”  
        I glance over my shoulder to MacCready, smirking at his own sense of humor, and I just can’t with him anymore. “All right, get outta here,” I say while standing and shoving him toward the exit. “Go take a walk or somethin’.” I close the door and slowly turn back to Valentine. “So…the Institute, huh? You really think they’re involved?”  
        “Hard to say. Their reasoning would be suspicious. I don’t doubt what you witnessed in Goodneighbor was an act of teleportation. But whether or not the girl you saw was Emery is up for speculation. This woman looking like Emery could have just been a coincidence. Emery might have been a synth, and the man you saw was a courser. Or she might have died in the explosion. But I suggest you take the easiest route first. Go back and search the ruins for her body. If you still can’t find her, then the Institute might be responsible. It seems like a stretch though, sorry to say.”  
        “Where is the Institute?” I ask.  
        “Going right for the throat, huh? Well, I shouldn’t have expected anything less from a raider. But this is where my usefulness has run its course. Despite me being a synth, I don’t know much about how to track the Institute, where to find them. Not even sure how the whole teleportation thing works.” I figured I’d be relieved after talking to Valentine, but our conversation has only presented more confusion and questions.  
        Valentine stands. “Look, it’s late, and judging by the look of you, you could use a good night’s sleep. Think on all this for a bit. And if in the morning, you’re still convinced the Institute is to blame, head on over to Publick Occurrences and talk to Piper Wright. She has a bit of inside information on the Institute. Might even share it with you if you ask nicely.”  
        I nod to him. “Thanks. How much do I owe ya?”  
        “Keep your money. You probably stole it off some unsuspecting settler anyway.”  
        An act of kindness hidden by an insult. I actually kinda like this old synth. I leave the agency after that, and when I walk into the alley, MacCready pushes himself off the wall to join me at my side. “So, what happened?”  
        “Shit, I dunno. He told me to go talk to some chick named Piper in the morning.”  
        MacCready laughs. “Good luck with that.”  
        “You’re comin’ with me,” I say while taking the lead.  
        MacCready groans. “Seriously?”  
        “You heard Diamond City Security. Not supposed to let me outta your sight.”

        MacCready and I get rooms at the Dugout Inn, but I just can’t sleep despite how badly I need to. I feel drained of everything, but my conversation with Valentine haunts my mind. On the one hand, I feel guilty for having lifted Emery up so high that the Institute maybe started seeing her as a threat. And on the other, I’m terrified that I’m just building all of this up in my head as a way to cope. Trying to convince myself that something else must have happened—something unexplainable. Because accepting her death just how it was is killing me. Some form of self-preservation.  
        But the thing that keeps me from really being able to fall asleep is the idea Nick planted in my mind. That maybe she was a synth this entire time, and I just never knew. Jesus fucking Christ, no, it can’t be true. I won’t accept that. I feel like her dying would be an easier truth to face than everything we had together being a lie. A lie so massive, and I start to consider the possibilities of her being a synth. A devastating realization, if it’s true. Because then I’d know she never really loved me. Just played along to appear, I guess, human.  
        I groan and run my hands over my face while sitting up in bed. I move to the edge, completely lost in thought and trying to figure out which truth I’d actually prefer.  
        The next morning, MacCready follows me to the Publick Occurrences office, rambling on about some bullshit he overheard in the Dugout Inn last night. Something about The Brotherhood of Steel being spotted out near the Mass Fusion building. “I’m just saying, the Brotherhood doesn’t exactly play nice with civilians. We should probably watch our backs.”  
        I walk past a young girl standing on a podium, shouting about the newspaper’s latest issue, and before I reach the door to enter, she runs up behind me. “Hey, Mister, you can’t go in there.”  
        I look down at the little girl. “Beat it, kid.”  
        “We’ll only be a minute, Nat…”  
        I enter the office of Piper Wright, and my eyes scan over the shit show of newspapers stacked sky high, some kind of machine in the middle of the two-story shack, and more junk than I assume a reporter needs present in her work space. “Ah, dammit,” I hear a woman curse.  
        “Anybody home?” I call, and a woman’s head pokes out from behind the large piece of machinery looking irritated as hell. “You Piper?”  
        “Let me guess, another mercenary hired to silence me for good. What, I angered your boss with a story I wrote? Tell him to get in line.” I ain’t got a damn clue what she’s rambling on about, but I feel MacCready move beside me.  
        “Hey, Piper,” he says, and she diverts her eyes to him.  
        “Oh, you’ve got a lot of nerve showing your face around here, MacCready.”  
        “You get around, don’t ya?” I ask.  
        “Come on, Piper. You’re not still mad about what happened in Goodneighbor, are you? That was months ago, and I told you I was sorry. About a hundred times.”  
        She laughs, a far from entertained sort of chuckle as her eyes remain pointed at MacCready. “And I told you that if I ever saw you in Diamond City again, I’d cut off your balls and feed them to Dogmeat.” A bark from a German Shepherd I hadn’t noticed upon entry makes me tense up, and now I know exactly why MacCready wished me luck the previous night.  
        He sighs and plants his hands on his hips. “Yeah, I’m just…gonna be outside.”  
        When he leaves, Piper looks at me. Like I’m her intended victim. “Is there something you need?” she asks.  
        “What’d he do to piss you off so bad?”  
        She folds her arms and raises an eyebrow. “Does it matter?”  
        “Well…I’d like to be sure I don’t make the same mistake.” The German Shepherd growls at me, and I kinda want to follow MacCready out the door.  
        “Dogmeat, shush,” Piper demands. “Unless you decide to get drunk and get all handsy, I don’t think we’re going to have a problem.” I chuckle. Fuckin’ dumbass kid. “I’m sorry, did you need something?” she asks forcefully.  
        “Uh…yeah, sorry. Valentine said I should talk to you.”  
        “Did he?” she says, unimpressed. “That doesn’t seem like something he’d do, sending an ex-raider to come and talk to me. Were you hoping to get some kind of coverage on your takeover of the Commonwealth? Or about how you inexplicably quit your position as second in command of Nuka-World?” she snaps.  
        “I didn’t realize I was such a celebrity.”  
        “That’s going a bit far. A thorn in the Commonwealth’s ass would be more appropriate.”  
        “You’re a little spitfire, ain’t ya?”  
        “Watch it, pal. He attacks on command,” she says while motioning to her mutt.  
        I can’t hide a smirk. “I meant it as a compliment.”  
        “I know you did.”  
        There’s an awkward silence between us. Because even though I’m there for a very specific reason, I can’t help but admire this woman. She’s tough, mouthy. And I’m entertained by her. Hell, if I wasn’t so broken up about Emery, I might even try and get something out of her. But her pointed eyes and scowl rips me back to reality, and I suspect she’s growing impatient.  “Valentine said you could give me some inside information about the Institute…”  
        She laughs. And I’m not exactly sure how to respond. “Setting your sights a little high, aren’t you?”  
        “Nah, it ain’t like that. A, uh…friend of mine, she was…I believe she might have been kidnapped by them. And I’m just trying to…find a way to contact them.”  
        Piper’s expression softens, and it’s the last thing I expected to see from this woman. A bit of compassion. “A friend of yours. A raider. I’m not sure why Esme would bother.”  
        “So you know her? The leader of the Institute?”  
        She folds her arms and sighs, disappointed…hell, completely broken up about something. “Yeah, I know her. We were good friends once upon a time. But after everything that happened with Shaun, I guess she felt the only thing she could do was take up the position. And we sort of had a falling out after all that.” She seems saddened by the information, though it’s hardly why I came to talk to her. I don’t much care for this “leader” everyone keeps talking about. But, it’s a good sign that Piper might know a thing or two.  
        “Well…I’m sorry about all that, but where can I find it?”  
        She scoffs. “Find it? You don’t find the Institute. The Institute finds you.”  
        I roll my eyes and nod. Because it’s the same kinda shit I been hearin’ about the Institute since day one, and it’s never really done anything to scare me off. “Mhmm. Well let’s say for shits and giggles that I want them to find me. If I were to go about that sort of thing, I’d start…?” She raises an eyebrow at me. “You gotta give me something here.”  
        “Look, the only thing I know about the Institute other than they just take whatever they want, is that they teleport in and out of their homestead. And the only way to get inside is if they want you inside.” She considers. “Unless you use the molecular relay, but…” she starts laughing. “I’m not even sure that’d work anymore.”  
        “What the hell’s a molecular relay?” I gripe.  
        “Jesus, you really are out of your league here. It’s a teleportation device built by Esme and the Brotherhood of Steel to get her into the Institute. And the only way you’d get your greasy hands on it is to become buddies with the Brotherhood. But since they haven’t staged an attack on the Institute thus far, I’m going to assume Esme had it destroyed by her synths.”  
        “So what you’re saying is that there’s no way into the Institute.”  
        “I’m surprised it took you that long to figure that out.” I feel like I’m back at square one. And it just don’t make any sense, there not bein’ a way inside. It don’t make sense that no one knows where this place is located. “Why do you think the Institute is involved with your ‘friend’s’ disappearance?”  
        “Because I saw her die two months ago. And then just yesterday, she was walking through Goodneighbor with a man wearing all black. I saw him lingering around the day she died. And before I even had the chance to get to her…there was a flash of blue light, and then they were gone.”  
        Piper nods. “Yeah, that sounds about right. But kidnapping a raider? It just doesn’t seem like something Esme would do. Kidnapping anyone, for that matter. From what I understand, she’s been working tirelessly for over a year to reform the Institute’s reputation. I told her it was a waste of time. That the damage had already been done.” She seems distraught again, but then her eyes focus on me intently. “Are you sure it was your friend you saw in Goodneighbor? Without a doubt?”  
        Shit, no. But I just can’t lose my only opportunity to get the information I need out of this woman. “Yeah…I’m…I’m sure.”  
        She considers. “Look, I’ve told you everything I know. I traveled with Esme for a while before she made it inside, but urgent matters called me back to Diamond City, and the only other information I found out was from secondary sources, so I’m not even sure if they’re true. But if you want to get an idea of where to…how to find the Institute, I’d talk to Hancock in Goodneighbor.”  
        I shake my head. “Nah, he…he won’t tell me nothin’.”  
        “Hmph. I shouldn’t be surprised. He’s head over heels for Esme. According to him, she can do no wrong. But that puts you in a shitty position because the only other people who might be able to help won’t exactly be cooperative either.”  
        “I ain’t new to getting what I want out of people.”  
        A faint smile spreads across her face. “Hmm. Well then, you could always go back and try to soften up Hancock a bit. At least that won’t result in your death.” She considers. “Probably.”  
        “And the others?”  
        “You can either follow the Freedom Trail to track down the Railroad and talk with their leader, Desdemona. The Railroad’s in the business of freeing synths, and I have a feeling they might have the intel you’re looking for. Or you can make your way out to the Boston Airport and request a meeting with Elder Maxson of the Brotherhood of Steel. He and Esme worked closely together to get inside the Institute before she turned on them. So, take your pick.”  
        “Jesus H. Christ,” I groan.  
        “Told ya. You're out of your league.”  
        I leave Piper’s office feeling disheartened about the road ahead. Sure, Hancock seems the easiest way to get what I want, but after hearing he’s crazy in love with the leader of the Institute, something tells me I’ll just be wasting my damn time with him. The Railroad? Shit, I don’t give a damn about their little crusade. And what they know about the Institute could be hit or miss. But the Brotherhood of Steel? I probably wouldn’t even get a mile in before they shot my ass down.  
        “Get what you need?” MacCready asks while joining me at my side.  
        “Hardly,” I groan.  
        “Bummer, man…”  
        “Hey, who would you rather take on? The Railroad or the Brotherhood of Steel?”  
        MacCready scoffs. “Railroad. Without a doubt.”  
        I nod. “That’s what I was thinkin’.”

        We stay another night in Diamond City so I can come up with a plan. As much as I hate having to keep asking for help from people, I know that I have to contact these Railroad crazies to get more information. I just hope it’s not wasted effort. I sit at one of the tables in the Dugout Inn, sharpening my knife with a beer in front of me, but I haven’t taken a sip yet. Just…kinda losin’ the desire to numb myself, I guess. But MacCready plopping down in the chair next to me with a beer in hand distracts me from sharpening my blade. “So, the Freedom Trail, huh? You sure you want to do that?” he asks.  
        I shrug. “Don’t really have a choice, do I?”  
        “Sure you do. Don’t go. Because I have a funny feeling they’re not exactly going to be cooperative.” I consider. Shit, he’s probably right, but I have to try. “This girl mean that much to you?” he asks, suspicious. Like a raider could never care about anyone but themselves. And a year ago, he’d have been right about me. But my world changed when Emery came into my life, and I can’t bear going back to the lonely existence that came before her. Because now I’m so completely aware of just how lonely I’ve been in life. But I choose not to answer his question. I’ve had enough of spilling my guts to this merc. “Trust me, I get it,” he says. “I used to have a beautiful wife named Lucy. And after she died, I never thought I’d be whole ever again. I guess I’m still not, in a way.”  
        “How fucking touching,” I groan and start sharpening my knife again. “Is this the part when I’m supposed to say that I’m sorry for your loss?”  
        “You’re a real prick, you know that?” he says, but his insults don’t bother me in the least. Because I ain’t ever tried to prove him otherwise. “So…when are we heading out?”  
        “We?” I scoff.  
        “Come on, don’t act like you don’t want my help. Now that you realize what exactly it is you’re facing out there.”  
        “I don’t want your help,” I groan.  
        “Sure you do. And you did pay me four-hundred caps.”  
        “If you’re feeling sore about it, give ‘em back.”  
        He laughs. “You drive a hard bargain. But I guess I can clear my schedule and help you track down this Railroad.”  
        I sigh and place my knife back in its sheath on my belt. “Why are you suddenly so interested in how all this will play out?”  
        He shrugs. “I’d be lying if I said I haven’t had my curiosity peeked about all this for quite some time. Since working with Esme over a year ago. Guess I never really found the closure I needed. The…answer to the big mystery about the Institute.”  
        “You worked with the leader of the Institute?” I say, more as an unconvinced statement than anything. “And you’re just now telling me this?”  
        “Now, hold up there, pops. I worked with her, briefly. Before she was the leader. She hired me to get her to Diamond City and then dropped me for Valentine when she realized he might be more useful. And then I never saw her again. She was looking for her son back then. Only just figured out the Institute was to blame for his disappearance. So, yeah, I’d kind of like to know how this is going to play out.”  
        “The Institute kidnapped her son. And now she’s running the damn place?”  
        “Hey, I only know what I’ve heard. And apparently, her son was the director of the Institute. But after he got sick, she kind of stepped in for him. I don’t know if he’s still alive or not. And these are all just things I hear on the street. But none of it makes any sense, and…it is strange that she set out to find the Institute for revenge and now she’s in charge.”  
        “So you’re looking for answers.”  
        “You’re looking for answers, I’m looking for answers. Isn’t that what life’s about?”  
        “Uh huh. And what happened to the fear that I might put a bullet in your head when no one’s lookin’?”  
        He shrugs. “It’s part of the risk of being a merc, isn’t it?”  
        “I wouldn’t know.” I consider for a moment. Maybe it won’t be so bad, having an extra gun at my side. Now that I feel I have a purpose to keep alive. “All right, kid. You can come. But if you get in my way, I will put you down.”  
        “Yeah, I don’t doubt that for a second.”

        We set out early the next morning to follow this Freedom Trail. Our biggest lead being to go to the Boston Common where a robotic tour guide starts giving us the history of the place. I almost wanna shoot the damn thing in the head when after about a good minute it still doesn’t provide anything useful. But MacCready nudges me and points out a thinly painted red trail leading us away from the Boston Common and further through the heart of downtown.  
        “Well, no one said it was gonna be easy,” he says, and I push past him to lead the way down this red line.  
        The “Freedom Trail” takes us through the city, though the dilapidated structures of something that once might have been a tremendous sight. But just like back in the small town where I first saw the man in black, a bad feeling comes over me. Sure, there really ain’t no way to navigate through downtown without passing through these giant, dilapidated structures. But I still don’t have to like the idea. The prospect of their being sharpshooters hidden away at the tops of these buildings has me looking over my shoulder and ducking my head down every time I hear even a bit of noise.  
        We climb over a massive pile of rubble from a collapsed building and jump down the other side, and the red trail leads us into an alleyway. As soon as we turn the corner though, vicious growling puts us on edge, and four mangy mutts stand before us, gnashing their teeth, white foam comin’ from their mouths. Dirty, flea ridden things.  
        “I think we’re in their territory,” MacCready says.  
        “I don’t give a damn about some dumbass dog.” One steps forward and barks at me. “Beat it, mutt.” But it’s growls, along with the others, become more aggressive. I raise my rifle at the thing, but MacCready puts his hand on the barrel.  
        “We should find another route. Don’t waste your bullets on these things.”  
        “Nah, this is the most direct route,” I say while jerking my gun away from him.  
        “You could alert something else in the area. Something worse.” Shit, he has a point. I lower the gun. Maybe I could just use my knife, but I’ll most likely get bitten that way. And I trust these mangy things ain’t carryin’ somethin’ real nasty. MacCready takes a step toward the closest dog, extending his hand out to it as he does. “Hey there, bud…it’s okay.”  
        “You’re a damn fool, you know that?”  
        But the dog lunges at him, trying to take his hand off in the process. MacCready jumps back, but his efforts to make peace with the mongrels only seemed to anger them even more. Because they all charge at us. “We should probably run now.”  
        Shit, he ain’t gotta tell me twice. My ass is already halfway out the alley. But MacCready’s speed gets him past me not soon after, and the two of us jump onto the pile of debris from the fallen building we just came across.  
        We start climbing, but the damn dogs are fast. And they can climb too. I feel an immense amount of pressure clench down on my boot, pulling me back down the pile of rubble as the alpha starts yankin’ me with all his might. “God dammit!” I yell, and I can hardly get my gun focused on the thing while his buddies run to catch up.  
        I hear a gunshot from behind me. MacCready, taking a knee and firing shots right into the skulls of these mutts one by one, takin’ ‘em out like a fuckin’ pro. But the alpha’s bite on my boot is unrelenting until I kick the thing in its face with my spiked toe.  
        The mutt yelps, and as it starts staggering back down the pile, MacCready fires a shot right into the thing’s head. And everything falls silent again. “Hangin’ in there?” he asks me.  
        I look at my palm. A deep cut caused by the jagged edge of something in the pile we find ourselves seeking refuge on. “So much for not makin’ too much noise,” I grumble, and MacCready moves past me to climb off the pile again.  
        “Well we didn’t really have a choice there. Now why don’t you say we get the hell out of here before something worse comes along.”  
        I push myself upward and climb down the pile as MacCready leads the way back to the alley we initially intended to go. But the cut on my hand is bleeding. A pain in the ass if I need to use my gun any time soon. I tear a bit of fabric from my shirt and start wrapping my hand, and it slows my pace a bit.  
        “Hey, no one gets through here without paying a hundred caps,” a voice says from around the corner. I turn to catch up with MacCready to see he’s being held up by three raiders hitting him up for caps.  
        “I’m not paying to cross the street,” MacCready gripes.  
        “Then you ain’t gettin’ through,” the raider says, but when he sees me approaching, he and his friends cower. And I stare him directly in the face as I brush past him. “Sorry, man…I..I didn’t see you there.”  
        I exit the alley and cross the street, periodically glancing down at the red line painting the way to the Railroad just to assure I’m going the right way. “Whoa, whoa, whoa…” MacCready says while running to catch up to me. “You wanna tell me what that was about?”  
        “We just speak the same language is all.”  
        “Yeah, I’m not buying that. Raiders kill other raiders all the time,” he says. But when the red line stops in front of a run-down church, his curiosity goes elsewhere. “You think this is the place?” he asks, and I’m not so sure. It don’t look like a good place to stage an operation as ambitious as freeing synths from the Institute. But a gas lamp next to the entrance piques my curiosity.  
        “Looks like someone’s holing up in there.” I lead the way up the rickety old steps and open the door leading to the church.  
        It’s dark inside, and I can’t hear anything, really. No sign of life present, no hushed voices coming from someone who might have just realized an outsider wandered in to their territory. And if this is where the Railroad is hiding out, their security is shit.  
        We walk further into the church. Rows of damaged pews and debris from the roof caving in and the walls giving out cover the floor. And then I notice a few dead ferals layin’ around. At least, I think they’re dead. I walk over to one and kick it with the spikes on my boot. But the thing moving and growling puts me on edge, and I fire a shot into its head without even thinking.  
        “Wow, really?” MacCready says, unimpressed. “You couldn’t just…stab it in the head a few times?”  
        “What’s it matter?”  
        “Because if someone didn’t know we were here before, I’m sure they do now.”  
        Movement coming from the back of the church grabs my attention, and then, more growling as ferals start coming at us from all directions. “Ah, son of a…”  
        “Told you.”  
        We start firing at the ghouls, takin’ ‘em out one by one when MacCready takes a knee to better his aim. But the number of them present is overwhelming, and before we can get all of ‘em, one launches at me, knocking the gun right from my hands. I jump back as the ghoul hits the ground and tries to reach for me. I kick the fucker right in the face with my spiked heel, giving me the opportunity to grab my gun and bash it’s head in.  
        But MacCready is being overrun, though he puts up a good effort. If I don’t intervene though, he’ll probably die. He swings his rifle to knock the ghoul in front of him a few steps away, but ghouls coming from behind him and from his side take him to the ground. He fires a shot, killing one. But there’s just too many too close to him. And if I wanted to get rid of the annoying little shit, now would be the time to do it. When all the ghouls are preoccupied with tearing him to shreds.  
        “Gage!” he yells.  
        I raise my rifle and shoot the one on his back in the head and then fire another to kill one of the ones at his side. MacCready starts gettin’ his bearings again and manages to fight the two remaining off long enough to stand. But he ain’t out of the shit yet, so I take another one out for him and then reload while letting him finish up his business.  
        One shot to the face kills the last ghoul, and MacCready looks over his shoulder at me, stunned. “You…you saved me,” he says.  
        “Yeah, well don’t take it personal. I have a feeling I might need you at some point.”  
        I glance to my left and see an entryway leading further…deeper into the church. Something I didn’t think was possible, but it grabs my attention and I start leading the way through the doorway.  
        A small corridor leads to a set of cement stairs and down into a series of tunnels. Catacombs, but the looks of it. “Yeah, this is fine. I wasn’t plannin’ on sleepin’ tonight anyhow,” I grumble at the sight of dead ferals scattered around the tunnels.  
        We walk further into the catacombs, our guns tight in our hands, ready to take out any ghoul that might want to have a go. “You really think this is the way to the Railroad?” he asks, and I ain’t too sure, to be honest. But a crate of liquor bottles seems curiously out of place. I kneel down and grab one of the bottles. They’re full.  
        “Someone’s leavin’ supplies behind. That’s a good sign.”  
        “What do you think that means?” MacCready says, and I look up to see him pointing out a white arrow in some weird kinda circle drawn on the wall. I stand and study the thing.  
        “I think it means that whatever we’re looking for is in this direction, ya dope.”  
        I start leading the way further through the tunnel, and MacCready runs to catch up to me. “You know, I heard about those. The Railroad, they use…call signs to communicate with each other.”  
        “Oh yeah?” I say, disinterested. But we turn a corner, and I feel disheartened to see that the tunnels end. “Did we miss a turn or somethin’?”  
        MacCready sighs. “End of the line, man. Told you this wasn’t the place,” he says while leaning on one of the walls, and a strange clicking sound echoes above us. I look to the ceiling. Wires being run along the edge, and they lead into one of the walls. But looking closer, it looks like the wall is moveable.  
        “What’d you just do?” I ask while slinging my rifle over my shoulder and pressing on the wall, but I can’t feel any sign of weakness in the structure.  
        “I didn’t do anything.”  
        I glance at him. He’s leaning on something. “Get outta the way, go stand somewhere else,” I demand while dragging him away from the wall. A metal crest is revealed to us. One that reads The Freedom Trail, and there’s a small, red arrow painted in the center, pointing up at the letter R from Trail. “What the…” I run my hand over the thing and then start to turn the outer ring, moving the letters along the red arrow as I do. “That’s fuckin’ weird.”  
        “It’s a puzzle,” MacCready says. “Some kind of password. Try putting something in.”  
        “Like what?”  
        “I dunno. Synth?”  
        “You know how to read? There ain’t no S in The Freedom Trail. Ain’t no Y or N either.”  
        MacCready chuckles. “I’m surprised you know how to read.”  
        “Fuck off.”  
        “What about…just try Freedom. They like to set synths free,” he says, and I look back to the wall. I twist the outer ring to F.  
        “Now what?”  
        “Press it. The thing in the middle,” he says, and I do. But it makes a weird sound, and I don’t know if that’s good or bad. So I keep moving along to the next letter and then the next until I spell out Freedom and press the button one last time. But nothing happens. “Well that didn’t work,” MacCready groans.  
        “Shoulda figured it wouldn’t have been that obvious.” I study the letters, trying to think of anything that could be the password. And then a thought crosses my mind. I move the outer ring to the letter R again and press the button. The same sound I originally heard comes from above us, right above the assumed doorway. I move the ring to the letter A and press the button again, and again the same sound. And I keep doing this until I spell out the entire word, and after pressing the button one last time, a new clicking sound is heard.  
        I step back and look to the doorway as it shifts out of place and starts to slide open. “Nicely done,” MacCready says. “What’d you spell?”  
        “Railroad.”  
        He scoffs. “It seems so obvious now.”  
        We enter into a dark room. Pitch black, almost, and I feel bit apprehensive about what might be lingering before us. But before we can get very far into the room, we’re blinded by a bright, white light, and for a moment, I think I might have died. “Son of a…” I groan while running my hand over my eye.  
        “Hey!” MacCready shouts. “You wanna turn that thing off?”  
        My eyes start to adjust, but I keep my hand up to block the flare when I see a group of people standing across the way on a platform, and they have their guns pointed right at us. “Stop right there.” A woman—the only one without a gun—says to us, and MacCready holds his hands up in retreat. “You went through a lot of effort to arrange this meeting. But before we go any further, answer my questions.” I assume her to be Desdemona by the way she takes charge. The very woman Piper told me to speak with.  
        “You the Railroad?” I ask.  
        “I’ll do the talking for now,” she says firmly. “Now, who the hell are you?”  
        “I’m Porter Gage. This here is MacCready. And we been looking for the Railroad.”  
        “We’re not your enemy. We just have some questions,” MacCready says.  
        “If that’s true, then you have nothing to fear. Who told you how to find us?”  
        I hesitate to answer, mostly because I ain’t a fuckin’ snitch. But I get the feeling if I’m honest with these people, maybe they’ll be more inclined to tell me what I need to know. “Piper Wright in Diamond City. She said you might be able to tell me where to find the Institute.”  
        Desdemona laughs. “Nevermind how utterly ridiculous that sounds coming from the two of you, but even if we did know the location of the Institute, what makes you think we’d tell you any of our private intel?” she asks, and I’m growing frustrated. “Let me ask you something. Would you risk life and limb to protect your fellow man? Even if that man were a synth?”  
        I scoff. “Shit no.”  
        “Then we have nothing else to talk about,” she says.  
        MacCready groans. “Shoulda said yes.”  
        But this kid’s commentary is like annoying fly buzzing around in my ear. “Come on, now,” I say her. “This is important. I wouldn’t even be here unless I absolutely had to be. Now Piper says you might have some information that might be useful. I just need you to point me in the right direction.”  
        She studies me for a moment, suspicious. “What’s your business with the Institute?”  
        I’m gettin’ real sick of having to tell complete strangers my life story. “They kidnapped someone close to me. I need to get her back.”  
        And then, her face softens. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that. They Institute certainly has made a habit out of snatching people up in the middle of the night.”  
        “Yeah, well this was in broad daylight. And time’s a wastin’, so…let’s go. What do ya know?” I ask.  
        She sneers. “I might be able to help you, but the Railroad isn’t in the habit of assisting those who don’t lend a helping hand to our cause. It’s the only way to know we can trust you.”  
        “Son of a…you fuckin’ with me?” I ask.  
        “It’s the wasteland, man. What’d you expect?” MacCready says.  
        “I ain’t got time to be runnin’ around helping out in your little crusade,” I say sternly.  
        “It’s the only way you’ll get us to cooperate. So, please…put your guns on the ground,” she says. “Because I can’t let you leave here just yet.”  
        Great. Being taken prisoner by the god damn Railroad. My reputation’s gonna be all kinds of fucked up after this. But two of their men approach us with their guns drawn, and MacCready and I have no choice but to lower our rifles to the ground. Now, I ain’t too keen on givin’ up all my weapons, and when the guards take our rifles, I turn my back a bit to hide the Gunner’s pistol I still have stashed in the back of my jeans.  
        “My men are going to pat you down. Make sure you’re not hiding anything else on your person. And then we’re going to have a discussion about your cooperation. Because the Railroad’s always looking for new recruits.”  
        “You can’t force us to work for you,” MacCready snaps.  
        “You’re right, I can’t,” she says while the guards pat him down. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t try and persuade you. Recent developments in the Institute have made it harder to find able bodied tourists such as yourselves. And I promise, if you do cooperate, we’ll do everything in our power to get you the information you need.”  
        “Hey, we havin’ a party? What gives with my invitation?” a man coming up from behind me says, and I barely have time to shield my stashed pistol from him.  
        “Deacon, you’re late…”  
        Before this man can get far enough away from me though, I grab him. Bring my arm around his neck and pull him back into me before pressing my pistol right against his face, and judging by the look Desdemona’s face, losing him would be a very bad thing.  
        “All right, everyone just back off or I’ll blow his brains out,” I warn.  
        “Bad move, man,” Deacon says.  
        “Shut up!”  
        But one of the guards grabs MacCready and hold him in a similar fashion, gun pressed against his face and everything. “It seems we’ve reached an impasse,” Desdemona says.  
        “You think I give a shit what happens to that guy? I ain’t got nothin’ to lose.”  
        “Oh, that’s just wonderful,” MacCready groans.  
        “Tell me what you know about the Institute. And don’t even think about lyin’. Because if I find out, I’m comin’ back here and ending all of your pathetic existences,” I warn. But I ain’t gonna lie. My heart is pounding out of my chest. And I ain’t proud it came down to this, but shit, they shoulda known better than to try and manipulate me.  
        Desdemona glances at her colleague in my arms, a defeated expression on her face. Because I’ve backed her into a corner. “There is no entrance to the Institute. The only way in our out is by teleportation.”  
        “Yeah, that part I know. Tell me somethin’ else.”  
        “It’s located underground. Underneath the CIT ruins.”  
        Finally, something I don’t know. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” I start backing away to the exit leading me back into the tunnels, my gun still pressed against Deacon’s face as I use him for a shield, all to assure my safe escape. “I’d like to thank you all for your cooperation. And good luck to ya in the future.”  
        “You serious?!” MacCready yells.  
        “Never trust a raider, kid,” I say and then shove Deacon away from me, knocking him down the steps leading further into the room.  
        I start running through the catacombs as fast as I can, though I really don’t suspect they’ll come after me. Not after they’ve seen the shady kinda shit I pulled. But a strange feeling comes over me. It’s like, some kinda regret? Like I feel sorry, but for another person. What the hell’s wrong with me? I slow my pace and turn back to the corridor leading back to the Railroad’s hideout, considering for a moment. “Ah, hell.”

        I grab one of the liquor bottles from the crate hiding away in one of the tunnels and then tear the shirt off a dead ghoul laying nearby. After soaking the cloth with liquor and sticking it into the neck of the bottle, I start sneaking back down the corridor until I reach the edge of the doorway. I peek inside to where MacCready is being jerked toward the back of the room.  
        “Get off me!” he yells.  
        I use the flip lighter in my pocket to light the end of the cloth and then launch the Molotov cocktail in the center of the room where it explodes into a massive flame, startling everyone inside. “Get down!” one of them yells.  
        “Run, kid!” I yell while shooting aimlessly at the people retreating away from the fire, and in the bustle, MacCready manages to take out his guard and get his gun away from him. He runs toward me, and I continue to fire at anyone who tries to pursue us.  
        Once MacCready makes it past me, the two of us start running through the tunnels, and I continually turn to fire the occasional shot at a few of the members who grew enough balls to chase us down. “Keep going!” I yell as MacCready looks over his shoulder to me, and we sprint through the catacombs, back up the stairs into the main hall and out the door to the old church.   And then we keep running, turning down any alley we come across until we’re sure we made it far enough away that a pursuit on their part would just be reckless.  
        MacCready stops and leans over to catch his breath, and I lean on one of the walls in the alley, glancing out from cover to make sure we’re alone. “You asshole!” he yells while shoving me, kinda takin’ me off guard. “I promised someone I’d never talk like that again. But…fuck you!”  
        I shove him away. “Hey, I came back for ya, didn’t I?”  
        “They could have killed me!”  
        “They weren’t gonna kill ya…”  
        “How do you know?” he snaps.  
        I think for a moment. I’m not really entirely sure they wouldn’t have, to be honest. But I can’t say that to him. “I just…know these things.” But it does nothing to ease his troubled mind and his panic. “Look, it was all part of the plan, all right?” An absolute lie, but I figure it might help ease the situation.  
        “Oh yeah? Well next time, maybe let me know before you decide to go all raider on everyone. Because I don’t like being used as a pawn.”  
        I laugh. “There ain’t gonna be a next time. I got what I wanted from the Railroad, so this is where you and I part ways.”  
        “That just fine with me,” he gripes, and I smirk while pushing past him. Because now I only got one thing on my mind. Gettin’ back to Goodneighbor to stock up on supplies and making my way out to the CIT ruins. Not exactly sure what I plan on doing once I get there, but at least I know I’m heading in the right direction.


	5. The Magnum Opus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porter Gage and the Sole Survivor are in love. After taking back Nuka-World and asserting their dominance in the Wasetland, the two feel as though they’ve finally found their place in the world. But during one of their raids, something goes terribly wrong, and Gage finds himself wandering the Commonwealth until coming to find an answer he never expected in the heart of The Institute.
> 
> *MacCready proves his usefulness to Gage and the two bond while making their way to the CIT ruins.*
> 
> *Listening to: The Hanging Tree by Jennifer Lawrence

        I don’t get too far from the church before I realize that MacCready is still following behind, and not that I really care. It ain’t exactly the smartest move to go wandering downtown alone. But I glance over my shoulder at him.  
        “I’m not following you. We’re just headed in the same direction.” I don’t respond. Not important enough to waste my time. Because I assume we’re both headed to Goodneighbor, and it don’t much matter to me whether I make the trip solo or with someone trailing along behind me. Because I got more important things on my mind. And I just don’t think the kid’s stupid enough to shoot me, leaving his ass alone out here and alerting anything nearby.  
        I turn the corner to head down an alleyway with a chain link fence ahead when I hear MacCready’s hurried steps coming up behind me. “Hey,” he says while grabbing my arm, and I jerk away from him. “We shouldn’t go this way.”  
        “Oh yeah? And why’s that?”  
        “Well, I don’t really know. Just been hearing a lot of bad things about this place.”  
        I glance down the alley. “Looks fine to me,” I say while backing away from him, further toward my intended goal. “It’s a short cut.”  
        “Yeah, well no short cut is worth dying over.”  
        I snicker. “Dying, huh? Seems a bit extreme,” I say while turning away from him to pass through the chain link fence. “No one told ya to follow me,” I call over my shoulder to him. After passing the chain link fence and turning a corner, I glance over my shoulder to see that MacCready has taken his own advice, and I chuckle at his cowardice. That’s the problem with most people in the Commonwealth. They shy away from danger instead of assuming the role of the dangerous. And once you know you’re the most dangerous person walkin’ around, ain’t no one can touch you.  
        I turn another corner and keep walking through another alley that leads to the front of a building, but before emerging from the alley, I feel a bit of resistance on my boot while taking my next step. And then I hear a click when I move forward, followed by a beeping sound. Shit, I know what that means. I pick up the pace, and a small explosion coming from the alley causes me to wince and shield my face while staggering back out of the alley. But other than that small explosion—one that would hardly cause any serious dismemberment, I see nothing.  
        A chuckle escapes me. “That all you got?” I call to whatever mysterious person might be trying to set me up. But I ain’t got time for this shit. I back further out of the alley and turn on my boot heels, but something tightens around my ankle. And before I even get a chance to register what’s happening, a forceful pull yanks me upward and suspends me in the air upside down.     “God dammit,” I groan. I’m not but a few feet off the ground, but someone rigged up some kind of animal trap right in front of the entrance of the building. I guess because going hunting in  down town is a bad idea.  
        I grab the knife from my belt and lean upward to cut the rope and then brace myself for impact. The weight of me is too forceful though, and I smack the back of my head on the pavement. I groan in pain, but my vision is all blurred and my ears are ringing. I must’ve hit my head pretty damn hard. I wince and try and grasp to reality a bit when the door to the building next to me opens. And a dark, blurred figure approaches.  
        “Well, well, look what we have here,” a calm and rather uplifting voice says. One that sends chills down my spine. Similar to the way someone speaks to a child, which is even freakier because I’m far from being so innocent. “Another wanderer has stumbled right up to my doorway.”  
        “Who…the…” I feel myself drifting in and out of consciousness.  
        “We should probably get you inside and tend to your wounds, shouldn’t we?”  
        The man leans over me, but I can’t focus on him enough to make him out. And then, everything around me goes black.

        “It’ll all be over soon,” Emery’s echoed voice rings in my ears. Flashes of light and of my surroundings. A dark cellar, severed heads on display and the dismembered bodies of raiders along the floor before fading into darkness again. “It’ll all be over soon, baby.” I see Emery’s face. A saddened expression, disappointed. But I start screaming at the feeling of something digging into my side, and I manage to make out more of my surroundings. A man standing next to me, his hands bloody. And obscure paintings on the wall behind him—all in red paint. “Just let go,” Emery says. But I can’t stop shouting from the stabbing pain in my side.  
        “It’ll all be over soon,” a man’s calming voice says, and I come to complete consciousness. But my heart is pounding, I’m sweating more than a whore in church, and I can’t seem to catch my breath, my panting almost suffocating me. “Well, you certainly are a tough one, aren’t you?” And his tone of voice chills me to my core. It sounds like he’s gushing over me, praising me for being so strong.  
        But I realize that I’m bound to a table, and this man has removed my armor and my shirt, leaving my upper body bare. “What…what the hell did you do to me?” I ask through gritted teeth, but the pain I’m feeling is unfathomable, and speaking takes so much effort.  
        “I’m immortalizing you. I have to say, I never expected to see you wandering around my gallery. But when you fell into my trap, I knew I had to have you.” I feel that pain in my side again, and I start shouting once more. I look down to my side. An open wound, a deep one, gushing blood.  
        “Oh…shit…stop! Stop, stop!” I shout.  
        “I can’t stop now. I’m almost finished with the background.” I glance over to a canvas where some obscure image has been painted, covering all the white with that bright red color he seems to use in all his paintings. But as I get a closer look, I see that he’s painted a distorted image of Nuka-World. “This is going to be my finest work yet,” he gushes and reaches his hand toward my side, and only then do I realize that he’s sticking a paint brush inside of me and using my blood for paint.  
        “No…no!” I shout while trying to break free from my binds. “Stop!”  
        “Oh my. It looks like your wound is starting to clot. I wanted this experience to last a bit longer, but I need more paint.” God dammit. They’re all in blood. All the paintings, his collection of severed heads and dismembered limbs—all some fucked up arts and crafts project of his. He pulls a large blade from beneath the table in which I’m bound. “Don’t worry,” he says while moving the blade toward my neck. “It’ll all be over soon. And then, you’ll live on forever in one of my paintings. The leader of Nuka-World. You’ll be…my Magnum Opus…”  
        “Oh…fuck! No!” I shout while trying to move away from him, but my binds are too tight. And as the knife gets closer to my neck, I figure, shit. This is the end of the line.  
        “Oh. You brought a friend.”  
        A gunshot startles me. But even worse than that, the man’s exploded head shoots all over me before he falls to the ground, and the warmth of him on my bare skin, it’s enough to make me want to hurl. I shut my eyes tight. Shit, I don’t wanna see this. “Wow. Looks like I showed up right in the nick of time,” MacCready says, and my eyes shoot open. Hell, I’ve never been so happy to see someone in my entire life, and I quiver at the sight.  
        “Untie me, man…” I beg, my voice shaking, and MacCready rests his gun beside me before pulling out a blade to cut the ropes around my wrists and ankles.  
        I sit up and wipe away the mess on my stomach as best I can before jumping off the table, but I feel woozy. Like I might just fall over any second. “Jesus, look at this place,” MacCready says while scoping out the scene. “It’s just a collection of macabre paintings and dead raiders.” And I can no longer keep from hurling. “Yikes.”  
        MacCready assists me to another room and drops me on a tattered sofa, but I feel like I’m fading fast, the wound on my side still bleeding somewhat. And I can only imagine how much of my blood it took to paint Nuka-World. “You’re not looking so good.”  
        It’s hard to catch my breath. “I…I think I’m dyin’, man…”  
        “All right, well, just…hold on a sec. Don’t die just yet.” He runs off to another room, and I cover my open wound with my hand. Doing my best to keep the blood from coming out of me.    When MacCready returns, he has a towel in hand. He tosses it to me, and I use it to cover my wound. “I found some stimpaks too,” he says while kneeling in front of me. He bites the cap off one and stabs it into my thigh, and I grunt from the pain. Hell, I almost smack him upside the head. “Feel better?” he asks.  
        “Nah, I just…I feel real tired,” I groan.  
        “You should probably take it easy anyway.”  
        I lie back on the couch and try to cling to consciousness, but my eyes are heavy. And no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep my eyes open any more.

        I awake to see that I’m sprawled out on the couch with a blanket over me. My wound, it’s been covered with some clean, white cloth and secured to my side, and the smell of alcohol in the room is potent. Sure, I feel better. I’ll probably live, but I feel drained of the energy I should have regained from my slumber. Two empty stimpak syringes rest on a table beside me.  
        I groan and pick up my head, grabbing MacCready’s attention from standing guard at a nearby window and smoking a cigarette. “You all right?” he asks.  
        “Where are we?” I groan.  
        “Pickman Gallery. I heard rumors about this place but never really knew what was happening inside.”  
        But even holding my head up is burdening, so I relax into my lying positon once more. “That man was a psychopath. Killing raiders and using us for his...his paintings.”  
        “Yeah, I noticed. I told you not to come this way. Maybe next time you’ll actually listen to me,” he says, and I study him for a moment.  
        “Yeah…next time, I will.” He goes back to staring out the window, smoking his cigarette, deep in thought about something, I can only assume. And as much as I don’t want to say anything because I hate being in this kinda fucked up position, I feel it’s necessary. “Thanks.”  
        He looks to me and nods his head. And then that’s it. I expected him to gloat. Give me shit for bein’ so cocky, thinkin’ nothing in the world could touch me. But only a nod and then he goes back to looking out the window. And I’m thankful for that. Guess I underestimated the guy.  
        We stay the rest of the night at Pickman Gallery, mostly because I don’t have the strength to go wanderin’ the wastes late at night. But early the next morning, I’m starting to feel somewhat normal again, thanks to the two stimpaks MacCready found. And even though I’m sore from the trauma, my wound no longer bleeds, and it doesn’t seem as deep as before.  
We head back to Goodneighbor and make it through the gates sometime in the early afternoon, only to be greeted by Hancock’s cool smirk. And then he grimaces. “Christ almighty, what happened to you?” he asks.  
        “Pickman Gallery,” MacCready answer for me, and Hancock’s eyes become wide.  
        “Oh yeah? What was going on out there, if you don’t mind me asking?”  
        I groan at the thought. “Fucker tried to drain me of my blood and use it for his damn paintings,” I mutter.  
        “Yeah, him and a lot of other raiders. It was a bloodbath.”  
        “So I guess I should put out the word to avoid the place,” he says.  
        MacCready shrugs. “If you want, but he’s dead now. So I guess it really doesn’t matter either way.” Hancock nods and then focuses on me again.  
        “What about you? Find what you were looking for in Diamond City?”  
        But after what Piper told me about him, I’m not so sure I want to go revealing everything I know to him. Because by the sounds of it, he’s all cozy with the Institute. And I’m not entirely convinced he won’t do something to ruin my chances of getting inside. “Nah, not really.” I ignore MacCready’s inquisitive glance.  
        “Well…worth a shot, right?” he asks, and I nod to him. Highly skeptical of him.  
        I inhale deeply, trying to think of a way to get around Hancock without appearing suspicious. “Hey, MacCready, help me over to the Hotel, will ya?”  
        He raises an eyebrow at me. “Er…sure, Gage. What…whatever you need.”  
        I bring my arm around him, and he grips my wrist and attempts to go along with the charade. But only when we turn the corner do I even dare look back to Hancock, and he’s watching us. Just as suspicious of me as I am of him. I pull MacCready closer as we walk—almost in a headlock. “Do not tell Hancock anything about what we found out, you get me?”  
        “Uh…okay. Not like he and I are best of friends or anything, but…can I ask why?”  
        “I just get the feeling he might not want this to play out in my favor.” As we approach the hotel, I let go of MacCready. “Anyway. We should probably rest up tonight. Stock up on gear tomorrow morning and head out of town before anyone even knows we’re gone.”  
        “Sure, whatever you say.” But he gives me a strange look. “You gonna be okay?”  
        “I’ll be fine. Just meet me out front at the crack of dawn. We’ll make our way over to the CIT ruins and try and find a way into this Institute.”  
        “I thought there wasn’t a way. Not without teleporting.”  
        I pull the door to hotel open. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

        The next morning, I feel like I’m back to my old self again though still a bit sore on my side, and it keeps me from exercising a full range of motion in my upper body. But it’s nothing that’s going to keep me from moving out to my intended target.  
        Just as directed, MacCready waits for me outside of the hotel, smoking a cigarette while leaning on one of the walls. “We good?” I ask upon exiting, and he moves to my side.  
        “No sign of Hancock or anyone else that might get suspicious.”  
        “All right, good.”  
        I buy myself a new rifle—the Railroad having managed to take mine during their attempt at holding us hostage. We stock up on ammo, stimpaks, some food and water and then head out of Goodneighbor. And by the time we make it away from downtown, the sun is high in the sky. I don’t suspect we’ll really face anything too terrible while getting to where we’re going. Other than a few raiders looking the other direction as we pass through their territory.  
        “You know, I always thought traveling with a raider would be a pain in the ass. But this actually makes venturing the Commonwealth a lot easier.”  
        “Yeah, well don’t go thinkin’ this luxury comes with just anyone. I put alotta years into gettin’ where I am now.”  
        “Yeah, come to think of it, I’ve never seen a raider as old as you.”  
        “Hey now, easy with that shit. I’m only thirty-six.”  
        MacCready chuckles. “It’s kinda old for a raider.”  
        I groan. “All right, you got a point. But I’m retired.” MacCready slows his pace and leans on a rusted car frame to light up a cigarette, and he offers one to me. “Thanks.”  
        He lights his and then mine before exhaling a big cloud of smoke. “And what happens if you find your girl? Still gonna be retired then?” he asks.  
        And I stare at him for a moment, considering the possibilities. I take a drag of my smoke and shrug. “Shit, I dunno. If it were up to me, yeah, probably. I like the idea of the two of us settling down somewhere with our caps. Just me and her. But knowing Emery, that just won’t be the case. Not any time soon.”  
        “Is she a lot younger than you?”  
        I take another drag and shrug. “I actually don’t know how old she is.”  
        “You don’t know how old your girlfriend is?” he asks, amused.  
        “We didn’t talk about that kinda shit. It never mattered.” We’re quiet for a moment, enjoying the few minutes we get to rest before heading out again. “I don’t know why I’m even thinkin’ about all this shit. For all I know, she really could be dead. And I’m just gettin’ my hopes up for nothin’.”  
        He nods. “Yeah. But you gotta have hope. At least some. It gets you through the day.”  
        “Yeah, well you’re young. Still got a lot to learn. And maybe if this would have happened to me when I was your age, I’d be able to let it go. But the older you get, the more you start to realize that you’re runnin’ out of time. That you won’t live forever, despite how invincible you might think you are.”  
        “Running out of time for what?”  
        I consider for a moment. “Shit, I dunno. Somethin’. Somethin’ not a lot of people have out here in the Commonwealth. Or anywhere else, for that matter.”  
        He’s quiet for a moment while we smoke our cigarettes. “You really love her, don’t you?” he asks, and I’m not sure I want to respond. But feeling ashamed about the person you love, it just seems wrong. And even though I don’t much like showing my sensitive side to anyone but Emery, I can’t try and hide the fact that I love her. Because I wouldn’t be here right now with this merc if I didn’t.  
        “Yeah, I do. And I never really understood all that shit until she came along.”  
        “Trust me, I know the feeling. And from what you tell me about her, the two of you seem perfect for each other.”  
        I chuckle. “Nah, far from it. Maybe if I was about ten years younger, but…she’s still wild. Still young, wanting so much out of life. And don’t get me wrong, I adore that about her. Makes me feel younger, I guess. But she’s hard to keep up with. And there’s a lot of things that we just don’t see eye to eye on. We fought a lot, but…hell, she drove me crazy. Perfect body. Perfect everything.”  
        “She sounds hot.”  
        I chuckle and flick my cigarette. “Man, you have no fuckin’ idea. But she always knew it too. Knew she was the sexiest thing walkin’ ‘round the Commonwealth. She liked to throw that in my face a lot, other men drooling over her. Kinda pissed me off. Any time we had a fight, she’d be right there reminding me that she could have anyone she wanted. And I knew it was true, so I’d usually end up doing everything I could to make it up to her. Whatever it was we ended up fighting about. Cause I just couldn’t stand the thought of her with someone else.”  
        “She sounds manipulative.”  
        “What woman isn’t?”  
        MacCready considers while taking a drag of his cigarette. “Lucy. She never manipulated me. We were a team, always there supporting each other. And it never felt like one of us had the upper hand. Except when she was pregnant,” he laughs. “I kind of became her slave then, but, what man wouldn’t do that for the woman carrying his child?”  
        I’m kinda taken off guard by what he’s telling me. “You got a kid?”  
        “Yeah, I do. His name’s Duncan. He’s still out in the Capital Wasteland, but…I have every intention of getting him up here with me some day. When I’ve managed to save up enough money,” he says, but I’m still surprised by him.  
        “Hell, you’re just a kid yourself.”  
        “While I appreciate you saying so, I think you seem to have forgotten that the lifespan of people like me and you isn’t exactly pushing the middle-age persuasion. To be honest, the fact that you’ve lived to your age surprises the hell out of me.”  
        I chuckle. “Yeah…it does a lot of people. But back to what we were talking about, I’d rather spend the rest of my days being manipulated by Emery than doing anything else in my life. She’s the only thing that ever made me feel whole. Like everything in my life wasn’t a waste. Because if I hadn’t done everything I did, I’d never have met her. It’s like it was all worth it in the end. I truly believe that any raider you talk to in their later age will admit to having committed some pretty heinous acts. Shit they’re ashamed of, things they regret. And yeah, I have that too. But most of it, I could never regret. Not now anyway. Not after meeting Emery. It was, like, a perfect series of events that brought her to me.”  
        He raises an eyebrow to me. “You really think raiders are capable of regret?”  
        “Sure I do. Problem is, not a lotta of them survive long enough to regret the shit they’ve done. And maybe we see seomthing the rest of humanity just doesn’t. Most of ‘em figure they gotta have it all right now…all the booze, all the chems, all the caps. And they’ll take it from anyone—doesn’t matter what they have to do. But I think it’s because they see this world for how it really is. And hell, maybe some of them are tryin’ to get killed. But I truly believe that any raider who lives past the age of thirty-five will start to see things in a different light. Like, maybe things didn’t have to be so bad or so violent.”  
        “Yeah…I’ve never met a raider as old as you, so I wouldn’t know.”  
        “Ain’t a lot of us around. Hell, the only other one I’ve met personally was back in the Capital Wasteland. Name was Jericho. And I used to listen to his stories back when I was still kinda starry-eyed. Still a little green. But it always seemed he regretted the shit he did in his youth, and at the time, I just never understood why. But now that I’m older…I guess I kinda see where he’s comin’ from. What he was warning me about all along.”  
        “You’re from the Capital Wasteland?” he asks.  
        “A bit further South. But, hell, I haven’t been out that way in years. But even though I’m startin’ to realize things probably coulda been different…hell, maybe shoulda been different, I just don’t see things playing out much better for me. I been a raider far too long. Started out younger than most. And now that this lifestyle gave me Emery…it’s hard to regret all of it. At least, my most recent pursuits.”  
        “What, Nuka-World?” he asks, unimpressed.  
        “That’s right. Ain’t no shame or regret in all of that. It gave me the woman of my dreams, gave me more power and caps than I ever thought possible.”  
        “And then took it all away.”  
        “Sure, there’s that. But what do you think I’m doin’ out here? I’m tryin’ to get it all back.” He seems uncomfortable, and I don’t really blame him. Because I think MacCready felt better about traveling with a raider he thought was retired—which I am. But after coming to the conclusion that finding Emery would force me back into that lifestyle, whether I wanted to keep living it or not, he seems unnerved by me. Even more so than before. But I know it to be the truth. I’d tear out a man’s heart with my bare hands if that woman asked me to. And even though I’m starting to have regrets about the things I’ve done in the past, I’d do it all over again, make the same mistakes if I thought it’d please her.  
        Yeah, I’m a raider through and through. And my woman loves that about me. So even if the day comes where I no longer want to live this way, it just won’t matter. Because I’ll always be a raider if it’s what she wants out of me.  
        We make it to the CIT ruins by the time the sun starts to set, and the fading light doesn’t exactly give us a lot of opportunities to search the exterior for a way inside. Not that our efforts are particularly straining. We won’t say it aloud, but we both know looking for a doorway is kinda a wasted effort.  
        “Let’s take a look inside,” I mutter after scanning the surrounding area for any sign of…shit, anything, really.  
        We enter the main building. Nothing suspicious, really. Nothing more than just your typical dilapidated building in the Commonwealth. “So, what’s the plan?” MacCready asks.  
        But this is really where my plan ends. “Uh…let’s take a look around. Maybe there’s some kind of…basement or cellar that might lead us underground.”  
        MacCready chuckles, warranting an annoyed, pointed glare from myself. He clears his throat. “Yeah, okay. Whatever you say, man.”  
        We’re on high alert while walking through the building, expecting that something awful may have set up a post deep within. But we hear nothing, see nothing other than a bunch of junk, and I can’t help but start to feel that most people might be afraid to traverse the ruins of the CIT building. And the more I think about it, the more it makes sense that we come across nothing.   Because if it weren’t for me desperately trying to find the Institute, I’d probably avoid the place too. The area in which the Institute is said to be hiding underground. The very place where the  boogeyman of the Commonwealth is said to exist.  
        We find a doorway leading to a set of stairs that bring us downstairs. Two flights of stairs, and we come to a basement looking area. “Jesus, look at all this,” MacCready says at the sight of a bunch of gen 1 synths scattered along the ground in pieces. “I’d say we’re in the right place. What do you think got to them?”  
        “I don’t know. But whatever it was, it’s gone now.”  
        MacCready kneels down and grabs something from the ground. A necklace of sorts. “It’s a holotag. The Brotherhood has been here,” he says, and it’s only then that I see the corpse of what I assume to be a Brotherhood soldier.  
        “Yeah…guess they were trying to find a way inside too. This is a good sign.”  
        “Oh yeah? You see the dead corpse of someone trying to get the same thing as us, and you take that as a good sign?” he asks.  
        “It means we’re doing something right.” I start walking further into the room, getting real close the walls to search for any sign of entry in the darkness of the basement. But I see nothing that might help us, and I can’t help but feel these dead synths may have teleported into the basement to clear out the Brotherhood of Steel problem.  
        But, shit. Why would they even bother if this wasn’t the way?  
        “What makes you think there’s a way inside the Institute?” MacCready asks. “Because from everything we’ve been hearing, there isn’t.”  
        “Come on, man. They had to have some way to get underground initially. Some kinda access to even begin to build the place.” It seems obvious to me. But when I turn a corner in the basement, I see an entryway of sorts. Some kind of access to get further into the basement—perhaps further underground. But it’s been cemented over, completely closed off. And there ain’t no way to get through it. “All right, this isn’t the way. But we’re definitely in the right place.”  
        “Sure, okay. But the Institute could be hundreds of feet underground. We might as well be back in Diamond City right now,” MacCready groans, but I ignore him. I can’t resist the urge to lean onto the wall and press my face against the smooth cement, and my heart skips a beat as I do. Because for the first time since Emery’s disappearance, I feel close to her. “She’s here, man. I know she is.”  
        “Oh, yeah?” he asks, unconvinced.  
        “Come on,” I say while moving away from the wall and grabbing his collar to lead the way out of the basement.  
        Sure, I’ve come to the realization that there ain’t no way inside the Institute from inside the building. But it just don’t make any sense, not having an entrance. Sure, teleportation might be the biggest form of transportation for the Institute. But it can’t be the only way. These people, they need water, they need food. They need some kinda fusion source from the Commonwealth, and after making it back outside, I can’t help but wonder if there’s a way inside through the water in front of us. The river that lies before us—maybe a secret tunnel exists underneath.  
        “You’ll get radiation poisoning before you even have the chance to find anything.”  
        “I gotta try, man. I didn’t come all this way to give up now.”  
        I start removing my armor because…with the shit on, I’ll sink like a ton of bricks. But before I can remove it fully, MacCready grabs my arm. “This is crazy. It’s almost dark outside, and you’re not going to be able to see anything under there anyway.”  
        “Well what else am I supposed to do?” I snap, and it’s not really because of my annoyance with him. I’m terrified that I might not be able to get inside.  
        “We need to set up camp. Wait until morning, search the other buildings. And then…if after all that, we find nothing…then you can go swimming. But…I still wouldn’t recommend it. You never know what’s down there.”  
        I consider for a moment. Shit, he’s right, and that frustrates the hell outta me. I sigh and run my hand over my hand. “Shit, all right. Startin’ not to be able to see shit out here anyhow,” I say while grabbing my armor to lead the way back to the CIT ruins.  
        We set up camp for the night next to the entrance of the main building. MacCready builds a fire, and I’ve set up a series of traps to warn us if anything gets too close. But I ain’t too worried about anything screwing with us, and we sleep in shifts. I take the first and last, but even when it is my turn to sleep, I just can’t. I feel disheartened. I guess a part of me was hoping that once I discovered the location of the Institute then getting inside would be easy. But it’s just not the case, and I’ve never felt so close yet so far away from Emery. Or at least finding the answers I need in order to move on.  
        And the next day, our luck isn’t any different. We spend the better part of the day searching all the other buildings of the CIT ruins to turn up nothing. And even when I reduce myself to diving into the water of the river to try and find some kind of entrance…an escape tunnel or some kind—I’m defeated by the adverse conditions. Always having to come up to catch my breath, there not being a enough light. And even when I find a drainage pipe deep below the surface of the water, the damn thing is sealed shut.  
        I emerge from the water, gasping for air as I do. “Nothing, huh?” MacCready asks, and I shake my head while swimming to the shore.  
        “Shit, there ain’t no way inside. Not unless we start digging.”  
        MacCready laughs. “And how do you propse we do that?” I consider while grabbing my armor to put it back over me, and my hesitation to answer seems to be cause of concern for my companion. “Wait, seriously?”  
        I shrug. “It’s not a terrible idea.”  
        We manage to find an old shed off one of the buildings, and after breaking down the door, we find a bunch of tools that were once used to maintain the grounds. But after finding a pickaxe and a shovel, the two of us get to work.  
        It’s hard labor, what we’re doing. I’m sweatin’ up a storm from digging into the rocky terrain, and end up removing my shirt and armor just to cool off a bit. Because I can’t slow down. We got alotta ground to dig up, and slowin’ down is only gonna prolong the process. But MacCready can’t really move fast enough to keep up, and by the time the sun starts to set, we decide to call it a day, exhausted from even digging six feet into the ground.  
        I can’t sleep that night, just like before. So I take MacCready’s shift to let him sleep more because…I feel like he needs it more than me. But while leaning against the building, the faint glow from our fire creating shadows along my face, I can’t help but feel broken. Because even though I have every intention of continuing the digging in the morning, a part of me knows that this just ain’t the way to go about getting inside.  
        I start sharpening my knife again. A mindless task to somehow take my mind off of what’s really troubling me. I’ll sit here all god damn night. All day the next day and the next, if that’s what it takes. Or, shit. Maybe I should go talk to the Brotherhood. But I get the feeling that’ll end badly for me. Like, they won’t be so willing to help a raider.  
        But the sound of someone talking in the distance grabs my attention. The voice, it sounds muffled like it’s coming through a radio, but a light on the road in front of the CIT ruins puts me on alert, and I put out the fire to hide our presence from whomever might be wandering through the ruins this late at night.  
        I watch the light for a moment, looking around, searching for something. The voice, I hear it faintly again. And when the light starts moving—the clanking of armor is heard. And as dark as it is outside, my eyes adjust to the darkness enough to make out someone wearing a suit of power armor, the light on their helmet occasionally illuminating a few figures trailing behind. Shit, they ain’t comin’ our way, but it’s enough to wake up MacCready.  
        I kick him, and jerks awake. “What’s wrong?”  
        “Shush,” I snap and then point to the people on the road. They seem preoccupied by something, and I can’t help but feel they might be looking for something in the CIT ruins. And that just won’t end well for us.  
        “Ah, shit. It’s the Brotherhood,” MacCready whispers.  
        Yeah. I coulda guessed that. But what they’re doing at the CIT ruins in the middle of the night is beyond me. “Fire!” one of them yells, and then beams of red light coming from their weapons makes me tense up. Because for a second, I think they’re firing at us. But they’re not. The two of us, we’re not close enough—though the lasers come to our general direction. And only when I see a beam of blue light firing back at them do I realize they have a very specific target.  
        “Jesus…”  
        “This…is…awesome,” MacCready says quietly, the two of us kinda slouching down a bit to avoid being noticed or hit by someone with really bad aim. I try to see the source of the blue light. Their attacker, he’s closer to us than the Brotherhood soldiers. But in the darkness, he’s near impossible to see. And the brightness of the laser rifles gunfire is starting to really mess with my eyes, making it even more difficult to make out anything.  
        “For the Brotherhood!” one of the soldiers yell, but his voice is distant. And whoever they’re trying to take out, the fucker’s tough. Because the red lights start decreasing in number, and the blue light just keeps on coming.  
        “Hey, look,” MacCready says while pulling me closer. And he points to a figure running backward into the only bit of light the moon gives off. After a few moments, it registers in my mind.  This man is wearing the same black trench coat as the man from Goodneighbor. The same coat as the man I saw the day Emery died. And now, I can’t look away from him.  
        I push myself away from the wall of the building and crawl closer to one of the pillars to get a better look while he takes cover behind a rundown shed in the center of the courtyard. Shit, it don’t look like the same man, but he’s definitely wearing the same jacket.  
        I play the waiting game now. Waiting for this “man in black” to finish his assault on the Brotherhood, and I actually find myself cheering for him. Because if he dies, I’m screwed. I mean, I gotta get somethin’ out of him. And I’m even tempted to start picking off the soldiers from where I stand, but I can’t guarantee the guy won’t take the opportunity to just run away. So I stay crouched behind the pillar, watching the fight, waiting for him to take out his opponents.  
        And only when the flashes of red lights stop coming, do I even dare to stand to my full height. I glance to the road. From what I can make out, the soldiers are dead. And this man in black is successful “So, what’s the plan?” MacCready whispers as we watch the man move from around his cover and walk further into the courtyard.  
Shit, I dunno. But I gotta think of something. Otherwise he’ll get away. “Hey, you!” I call out while jumping the steps to the building.  
        “Wow, really?”  
        “Hey!” I yell, but the man ignores me. Like he can’t even hear me and just continues along his way. So I start running toward him. Yeah, he’s got something to hide all right. Something to protect. Because I know he can hear me. But he stops walking, and I’m almost to him when I see a blue aura start forming around him. And my heart pounds out of my chest at the sight. He’s gonna teleport before I even get the chance to talk to him.  
        “Gage!” MacCready yells to me.  
        “Oh, no you don’t!” A flash of blue surrounds him, but it doesn’t stop me from tackling him. And then…the strangest sensation I’ve ever felt in my entire life. It’s like…being pulled apart, but not in a painful way. Like falling from something real high up, and your stomach kinda jumps into your throat only much more intense.  
I can’t breathe. I can’t see anything other than a blinding white light. And just when I think I’ll suffocate to death, a forceful impact has me gasping for air, and I slide across a slick, glasslike floor.  
        I can barely register what’s happening. But I hear people gasping, and the man I tackled before, he’s pointing his laser rifle down at me, directly in my face. One thing I know for certain, I’m not longer in the wastes. My surroundings, all white, slick…clean. And the people surrounding me, they’re clean, also dressed in white. But if they’re not running or backing away, gasping in fear, they’re fast approaching with their guns drawn.  
        “Give me one could reason why I shouldn’t just kill you now,” the man I tackled says in a very calm, unnerving sort of voice. And I’m not sure how to respond. Hell, the only thing I can do is wince and wait for impact.  
        “Stop!” A woman’s voice shouts, demonstrative and authoritative.  
        Those circling me with their guns drawn, they retreat. And it’s only then I realize that they’re fucking synths. Every. Last. One of them. All with the exception of the man in black who seems normal other than his freaky black coat and sunglasses.  
        Holy shit. I’m in the fucking Institute. I have to be. I ain’t ever seen a place so clean and white in my entire life, and even the floor beneath me has me in awe. Fucking glass with running water underneath. “Don’t move,” the man in black says, still being the only one to have his gun on me. And as the crowd of synths part, my eyes divert to the cause. The source of my prolonged life. A woman with golden blonde hair and emerald green eyes wearing all white. And I’m stunned. “Emery?” My voice shakes even saying her name. Seeing her, standing in front of me…I’m at a total loss. Jesus Christ, she’s really alive.  
        But she stares down at me, unimpressed. “Ma’am,” the man in black says. “He tackled me as I was teleporting. There was nothing I could do.”  
        But I can’t look away from her, and if it weren’t for the gun in my face, I probably woulda grabbed onto her already. But Christ, the sight of her, alive and well…it’s the greatest feeling of relief. And my heart is pounding out of my chest, waiting for her to accept me with open arms. Waiting for that bit of comfort that she’s happy to see me too.  
        But I don’t see that from her. A cold stare, maybe a bit of curiosity. But no warmth at all. No comfort, and she’s definitely not happy to see me. “Take him to holding until I can figure out what to do with him,” she says coldly and then turns away from us.  
        “Em?” I call after her, but the man in black grabs me and pulls me to my feet. “Emery, wait!” I yell, but she doesn’t even look back at me. “Get off me!” But shit, this guy is strong, and I can’t manage to break free.  
        He escorts me through a corridor with two armed guards by his side. We pass through a set of sliding doors and walk further down another corridor, and I just can’t stop looking around.   Everything is so clean, so well-constructed. Even the air smells fresh despite us being however many feet underground. We enter a room where another synth is on guard, and inside, a cell of  some kind. Only there’s no bars. Only thick glass enclosing the small space.  
        The man in black shoves me inside, and before I can even turn to look at him, the door slides shut and locks behind me. I watch him for a moment, but with no expression being present on his face, it’s kinda hard to tell what I’m facing here. But they all leave me after that, and the sliding door closes behind them.  
        I get a moment to look around the cell. A small bed exists inside, but nothing else, and I start to wonder how long I’ll be here. Surely Emery is just having a word with the director about my release. I mean, there’s no way she’d keep me in here. But I get the feeling something much worse than I ever could have imagined is happening. Because she didn’t seem pleased to see me at all, and after everything I been through to track her down, my heart aches from it.


End file.
